Friday, December 16, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Giving God my seconds
I did it. I submitted to the pressure. I have done it kicking and screaming. But I couldn't take it any longer. This is not your regular social pressure one gets to feel in passing from someone who disapproves. The kind that gets you a little ticked and makes you replay conversations in your mind all day long. In fact, this pressure was very light and gentle. However, one thing is for sure, it doesn't take much pressure for God to get my attention anymore.
I learned a long time ago that when God marks the spot and says "here, I want you here" I am suppose to just show up. Regardless of what my agenda is or what I have on my calendar. Show up. I may not like it but that is it and that is all. Just show up.
There is a small, green sign on one of the main streets in Aberdeen. "Aberdeen Christian School" with an arrow. It is not the sign for the building. It is a street sign offering direction for turning toward the destination. It is of the size that once you become a local it can easily become a fixture that one can no longer see. That has not been the case for me. Every time I pass it it jumps out like a large flashing alarm indicator. I couldn't ignore it any longer...
Our family loves our homeschooling life. Our kids do very well with our lifestyle and are successful in their academics. Really, there is no reason to change things. I mean if its not broken, why fix it? Because it doesn't have to be broken for God to require change. We checked out the school, knew it was right, and enrolled. I kept looking for reasons to back out. I had plenty but they didn't compare to the peace I felt when I prayed for confirmation. I still didn't know why we were directed to do this, we were just obediently showing up.
I have been taking part in a book study through the church we are attending. I have already read the book once but have never dissected it in a group setting. We recently dug into what it means to give God our seconds. We discussed tithing and donations but I separated myself from material things long ago. I will give everything I own in a heart beat if that is what God asks me to do. But my kids. Don't mess with my kids. These are my kids and to be honest, there are not many people that I trust with my kids. Long story short, God convicted me to understanding that by not trusting others with my kids, I was in fact not trusting God to protect and take care of my kids. And in my focus of preserving my kids, my vision became clouded to areas that weren't getting the correct portion of my attention. By giving my kids what looked like everything I have I was actually giving God my seconds. I was trusting God with my kids when my kids were in my supervision. I was not trusting God when my kids were not in my supervision. I was willing to give my worldly possessions to God or his people, I was not willing to give him what really matters...my kids. By offering everything I have that belongs to this world and not surrendering what already belongs to him, I was giving him my seconds.
The first day Andon was gone, I watched the clock. The first day Andon was gone, I had less to focus on. The first day Andon was gone I realized that I was so focused on providing him with such a stellar education that I was dropping the ball in elements of Addi's discipline. She was getting my seconds. I was jipping God twice. I wasn't trusting him with the most important things and I wasn't doing a very good job of raising a disciplined and lovely daughter. In my defense she is our most strong willed child. I know I can hang on to that all I want but it doesn't change the point that I was missing it.
The day ended and it came time to pick him up. I had my lesson and learned it well. I thought. He enjoyed it and proved to me he was ready to expand his world and experience some independence. And I soon remembered the words of my sweet friend Rachel whom I left back in Montana "you can either insulate or isolate". The context of this statement is to never forget that we are to raise Godly young people to send out into the world to be used by God. My job as a parent is to keep sensitive to the maturity of each child and discernment of right timing.
As of today, for Andon, the time is right. That doesn't mean he gets to go home with just anyone and that doesn't mean that there won't be a time to homeschool again.
As of today, for me, the time is right. It is time for me to stop giving God my left overs and not only surrender my stuff but surrender my family. I will probably always deal with this but by the grace of God maybe today a small bit has been chipped away.
I learned a long time ago that when God marks the spot and says "here, I want you here" I am suppose to just show up. Regardless of what my agenda is or what I have on my calendar. Show up. I may not like it but that is it and that is all. Just show up.
There is a small, green sign on one of the main streets in Aberdeen. "Aberdeen Christian School" with an arrow. It is not the sign for the building. It is a street sign offering direction for turning toward the destination. It is of the size that once you become a local it can easily become a fixture that one can no longer see. That has not been the case for me. Every time I pass it it jumps out like a large flashing alarm indicator. I couldn't ignore it any longer...
Our family loves our homeschooling life. Our kids do very well with our lifestyle and are successful in their academics. Really, there is no reason to change things. I mean if its not broken, why fix it? Because it doesn't have to be broken for God to require change. We checked out the school, knew it was right, and enrolled. I kept looking for reasons to back out. I had plenty but they didn't compare to the peace I felt when I prayed for confirmation. I still didn't know why we were directed to do this, we were just obediently showing up.
I have been taking part in a book study through the church we are attending. I have already read the book once but have never dissected it in a group setting. We recently dug into what it means to give God our seconds. We discussed tithing and donations but I separated myself from material things long ago. I will give everything I own in a heart beat if that is what God asks me to do. But my kids. Don't mess with my kids. These are my kids and to be honest, there are not many people that I trust with my kids. Long story short, God convicted me to understanding that by not trusting others with my kids, I was in fact not trusting God to protect and take care of my kids. And in my focus of preserving my kids, my vision became clouded to areas that weren't getting the correct portion of my attention. By giving my kids what looked like everything I have I was actually giving God my seconds. I was trusting God with my kids when my kids were in my supervision. I was not trusting God when my kids were not in my supervision. I was willing to give my worldly possessions to God or his people, I was not willing to give him what really matters...my kids. By offering everything I have that belongs to this world and not surrendering what already belongs to him, I was giving him my seconds.
The first day Andon was gone, I watched the clock. The first day Andon was gone, I had less to focus on. The first day Andon was gone I realized that I was so focused on providing him with such a stellar education that I was dropping the ball in elements of Addi's discipline. She was getting my seconds. I was jipping God twice. I wasn't trusting him with the most important things and I wasn't doing a very good job of raising a disciplined and lovely daughter. In my defense she is our most strong willed child. I know I can hang on to that all I want but it doesn't change the point that I was missing it.
The day ended and it came time to pick him up. I had my lesson and learned it well. I thought. He enjoyed it and proved to me he was ready to expand his world and experience some independence. And I soon remembered the words of my sweet friend Rachel whom I left back in Montana "you can either insulate or isolate". The context of this statement is to never forget that we are to raise Godly young people to send out into the world to be used by God. My job as a parent is to keep sensitive to the maturity of each child and discernment of right timing.
As of today, for Andon, the time is right. That doesn't mean he gets to go home with just anyone and that doesn't mean that there won't be a time to homeschool again.
As of today, for me, the time is right. It is time for me to stop giving God my left overs and not only surrender my stuff but surrender my family. I will probably always deal with this but by the grace of God maybe today a small bit has been chipped away.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Crazy Love
I have been participating in a book study through the church we have been attending since getting settled in Aberdeen.
We are going over "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. This book is special to Jeramie and I, not so much because it was life changing like it has been for so many, but because it was life affirming. We had been convicted by God to examine what Jesus really taught in the gospels but along with other tools, Crazy Love came along and confirmed our understanding.
For some reason I feel like I should open another window into the soul of our family and this seemed like a good method to do that. I have decided to share some of the study questions along with our response to them. We will continue to post updates of our journey but right now this is the journey we are on.
If you haven't already read this book, I invite you to start reading it and come along with me as you read my posts. Maybe we can grow together and your comments are greatly encouraged!
Click the link to my personal journal on this page "The sanctification of a christian woman" for a view of how God is changing me.
We are going over "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. This book is special to Jeramie and I, not so much because it was life changing like it has been for so many, but because it was life affirming. We had been convicted by God to examine what Jesus really taught in the gospels but along with other tools, Crazy Love came along and confirmed our understanding.
For some reason I feel like I should open another window into the soul of our family and this seemed like a good method to do that. I have decided to share some of the study questions along with our response to them. We will continue to post updates of our journey but right now this is the journey we are on.
If you haven't already read this book, I invite you to start reading it and come along with me as you read my posts. Maybe we can grow together and your comments are greatly encouraged!
Click the link to my personal journal on this page "The sanctification of a christian woman" for a view of how God is changing me.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Dacotah Territory. Aberdeen, South Dakota to be specific. We have left sleepy eastern Montana and headed for colder weather. Aberdeen's heritage is very much Norwegian, Scottish, and Irish descendents. Once I learned that the accent made total sense. It is an Americanized version of that Northern region. It is about 25,000 people and hosts 2 university's as well as a technical school. It has a Wal-mart, Target, Shopko AND K-mart, two huge hospital systems and a conservative overtone that is very much spawned from the heavy Catholic tradition that was established back when the town was. L. Frank Baum was from Aberdeen. Oh come on! Everyone knows who L. Frank Baum is. Right? Um, no. Sorry, who is L. Frank Baum? Try this, "The Wizard of Oz". Oh, whoa! Thats kind of cool. The town has a great park that honors him with a life size land with all of the details so you can make the journey with the characters from the book. Way fun for the kids. Why are we in South Dakota you might ask? And how long are you going to be there? The easy answer? Following the yellow brick road. As for a timeline, we learned many things on this journey, one of which is we cannot plan anything. As for today, we are in Aberdeen and as far as I can see, we will be here tomorrow.
We are just following the yellow brick road. Like Dorothy, we never know who we are going to meet, what section of life we are entering (forest or corn field) and I know for sure that we are chasing after a paradise that we have heard about but can only imagine what it actually looks like and I am determined to get there because the great ruler who dwells there is the only one who can save me. I decided it was a good visual to describe what it is like to live by faith. Oh yeah, and God did use a "tornado" to get us on the path. It looked more like a failed business and a conviction of lifestyle but it was still a "tornado". And we had no idea where we were going to land. The traveling joke was "wonder which state will be old Myra's last (our old dog)"...she landed in Arizona. We landed in South Dakota? Yep, Aberdeen, South Dakota.
When we first learned that South Dakota was a potential landing zone I had to think that one out for a bit. Is South Dakota actually a real state? I learned about it in, like, the 4th grade or something and never gave it another thought. It was not on our list of must stop places during our travels. There is a north and a south, right? As my sister-in-law asked "which one is that, the good one or the bad one"? I have no idea. I have never been there, it has never been on my radar. My biggest educational resource was "Little house on the prairie" sprinkled with a little bit of the movie "Fargo".
All summer, while still in Montana, there had been rumors on the rail about Jeramie's class being forced to transfer to other depots. One of which was Aberdeen. Jeramie had drawn a high seniority number which meant that we were probably not going to have to leave. They would pull from the bottom of the seniority list and work up. Besides, there were rumors about many things so filtering out which ones might gain some traction and which ones wouldn't wasted unnecessary energy. Knowing that if we were to be transferred was actually beyond our knowing, we made decisions for where we were at "today" in that moment.
We rented a house, started buying furniture and getting settled. The rental market was limited and moved fast. We had people praying for a house to come along. We ended up with a big house. We learned very fast after living in a small space that what looked ideal was in fact not. It was too much house. Space that went unused. Space that still needed cleaned and space that looked sad because it was empty with out furnishings. But it was the house we were suppose to be in because if we hadn't we wouldn't have met Katie. I was suppose to know Katie. I will not share stories about Katie on the world wide web but I know that God had that house planned out for us long before we got there. Just know that Katie has a special spot in my heart.
It didn't take me long to find a church to get involved in. I started praying for that long before we left for Montana. "Lord, I ask that we will know intuitively where we are suppose to be, where you would have us" was my prayer. We tried a couple churches. We walked into a third one and I knew, I knew the minute we walked in that I was suppose to be there. I didn't know why, and I didn't know if it was suppose to be our home church but I knew I was suppose to know someone there. I met lots of "someone's" there. I got to really know these "someone's" and I miss them terribly. They were the one reason I struggled with boldly moving forward toward Aberdeen. I would have to leave them behind.
But since I am following the yellow brick road I knew better then to let that hold me back because what I really was saying was "I don't want to God, I am really starting to dig Montana and Aberdeen doesn't make any sense". Then I remembered, when Jeramie had been offered a chance to test for his job we were given the choice of Forsyth or Aberdeen and we chose Montana because it was closer to the family. I couldn't help but toss around the idea that maybe it had been Aberdeen the whole time and God allowed us Montana as a stepping stone.
Then it happened. I got a text. "Minot or Aberdeen?" Wow! This wasn't just a rumor after all. His class was all gathered together for a final week of studying when their instructor told them "decide amongst yourselves or we will decide for you". It turned out that the guys at the top of the seniority list were all from out of state. The guys at the bottom were mostly all from Montana. The guys at the bottom were the ones who would be forced to leave. Instead, the guys at the top, including Jeramie, decided to transfer out. I don't know the details of reasoning for anyone else other then ourselves but we didn't have any ties there. It was hard to know that someone who did have roots there would have to leave when they didn't want to. A week later we were loaded up in the RV once again and excited for what waited for us in Aberdeen. This time we had a new challenge. BNSF was putting us up in a hotel for 60 days allowing us time to find housing. Wintering out in the RV wasn't an option. Like I said, I read Laura Ingells Wilder's book "The Long Winter" and I knew good and well this wasn't our beloved Arizona. Jeramie wanted to embrace the free housing for as long as possible. Its official, we have lived in big houses, little houses, an RV, in Walmarts parking lot, in a rest stop, in a truck stop, in RV parks, in my parents drive-way and now a hotel room. Since we have found housing, we can add someones basement to the list as well.
Someone asked me last night why we were in Aberdeen. "God" I said. That is the only thing I know. Jeramie's job was the tool that got us here but it was God who moved us. It has been a blessed move. Aberdeen is a bit bigger than Miles City, seems a little more family friendly with a more vibrant and youthful atmosphere. It offers an abundance of children's activities that were not available in our area of Montana so our schedule is busier buts thats OK because it is filled with things that are helping my kids learn about themselves. However, all that aside, we are still waiting for God to reveal his use for us in Aberdeen. Like I said before, we are just following the yellow brick road. The thing we have learned is that it is when we are following the yellow brick road that we are most empowered to experience Gods plan. And there is nothing more amazing or exciting then experiencing God's plan.
We are just following the yellow brick road. Like Dorothy, we never know who we are going to meet, what section of life we are entering (forest or corn field) and I know for sure that we are chasing after a paradise that we have heard about but can only imagine what it actually looks like and I am determined to get there because the great ruler who dwells there is the only one who can save me. I decided it was a good visual to describe what it is like to live by faith. Oh yeah, and God did use a "tornado" to get us on the path. It looked more like a failed business and a conviction of lifestyle but it was still a "tornado". And we had no idea where we were going to land. The traveling joke was "wonder which state will be old Myra's last (our old dog)"...she landed in Arizona. We landed in South Dakota? Yep, Aberdeen, South Dakota.
When we first learned that South Dakota was a potential landing zone I had to think that one out for a bit. Is South Dakota actually a real state? I learned about it in, like, the 4th grade or something and never gave it another thought. It was not on our list of must stop places during our travels. There is a north and a south, right? As my sister-in-law asked "which one is that, the good one or the bad one"? I have no idea. I have never been there, it has never been on my radar. My biggest educational resource was "Little house on the prairie" sprinkled with a little bit of the movie "Fargo".
All summer, while still in Montana, there had been rumors on the rail about Jeramie's class being forced to transfer to other depots. One of which was Aberdeen. Jeramie had drawn a high seniority number which meant that we were probably not going to have to leave. They would pull from the bottom of the seniority list and work up. Besides, there were rumors about many things so filtering out which ones might gain some traction and which ones wouldn't wasted unnecessary energy. Knowing that if we were to be transferred was actually beyond our knowing, we made decisions for where we were at "today" in that moment.
We rented a house, started buying furniture and getting settled. The rental market was limited and moved fast. We had people praying for a house to come along. We ended up with a big house. We learned very fast after living in a small space that what looked ideal was in fact not. It was too much house. Space that went unused. Space that still needed cleaned and space that looked sad because it was empty with out furnishings. But it was the house we were suppose to be in because if we hadn't we wouldn't have met Katie. I was suppose to know Katie. I will not share stories about Katie on the world wide web but I know that God had that house planned out for us long before we got there. Just know that Katie has a special spot in my heart.
It didn't take me long to find a church to get involved in. I started praying for that long before we left for Montana. "Lord, I ask that we will know intuitively where we are suppose to be, where you would have us" was my prayer. We tried a couple churches. We walked into a third one and I knew, I knew the minute we walked in that I was suppose to be there. I didn't know why, and I didn't know if it was suppose to be our home church but I knew I was suppose to know someone there. I met lots of "someone's" there. I got to really know these "someone's" and I miss them terribly. They were the one reason I struggled with boldly moving forward toward Aberdeen. I would have to leave them behind.
But since I am following the yellow brick road I knew better then to let that hold me back because what I really was saying was "I don't want to God, I am really starting to dig Montana and Aberdeen doesn't make any sense". Then I remembered, when Jeramie had been offered a chance to test for his job we were given the choice of Forsyth or Aberdeen and we chose Montana because it was closer to the family. I couldn't help but toss around the idea that maybe it had been Aberdeen the whole time and God allowed us Montana as a stepping stone.
Then it happened. I got a text. "Minot or Aberdeen?" Wow! This wasn't just a rumor after all. His class was all gathered together for a final week of studying when their instructor told them "decide amongst yourselves or we will decide for you". It turned out that the guys at the top of the seniority list were all from out of state. The guys at the bottom were mostly all from Montana. The guys at the bottom were the ones who would be forced to leave. Instead, the guys at the top, including Jeramie, decided to transfer out. I don't know the details of reasoning for anyone else other then ourselves but we didn't have any ties there. It was hard to know that someone who did have roots there would have to leave when they didn't want to. A week later we were loaded up in the RV once again and excited for what waited for us in Aberdeen. This time we had a new challenge. BNSF was putting us up in a hotel for 60 days allowing us time to find housing. Wintering out in the RV wasn't an option. Like I said, I read Laura Ingells Wilder's book "The Long Winter" and I knew good and well this wasn't our beloved Arizona. Jeramie wanted to embrace the free housing for as long as possible. Its official, we have lived in big houses, little houses, an RV, in Walmarts parking lot, in a rest stop, in a truck stop, in RV parks, in my parents drive-way and now a hotel room. Since we have found housing, we can add someones basement to the list as well.
Someone asked me last night why we were in Aberdeen. "God" I said. That is the only thing I know. Jeramie's job was the tool that got us here but it was God who moved us. It has been a blessed move. Aberdeen is a bit bigger than Miles City, seems a little more family friendly with a more vibrant and youthful atmosphere. It offers an abundance of children's activities that were not available in our area of Montana so our schedule is busier buts thats OK because it is filled with things that are helping my kids learn about themselves. However, all that aside, we are still waiting for God to reveal his use for us in Aberdeen. Like I said before, we are just following the yellow brick road. The thing we have learned is that it is when we are following the yellow brick road that we are most empowered to experience Gods plan. And there is nothing more amazing or exciting then experiencing God's plan.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Send us a post card
Today is bittersweet. Not alot of story telling this time around. Don't really have it in me today...
Last night we said "So Long" to our beloved traveling home on wheels. It has officially found a new home.
We knew it had to go. This new job isn't going to allow for much time off to spend traveling the road at our leisure. We knew it couldn't just sit indefinitly. All that didn't make it any easier. We aren't attached to it in a possessive glorious toy kind of way, it is more a loss of a season in life. The closure of a journey that our family cherishes so deeply.
Every moment in that RV was absolutely a blessing. Not one day of disappointment, sadness or regret. In our focus to set out to serve others we learned to serve each other, grew tighter as a family unit and have been taken to a level in our relationship with God and Jesus that we crave each and every day. I know that none of that is ending, that it is just changing.
I find it fascinating that the sound of that particular motor invokes the sense of adventure. It has found its place on the list of memorable sounds, you know alot like a special song. Jeramie started it up while we were getting it ready for its newest journey and we were all ready to go with it. The kids and I didn't go with him to deliver it and I am glad, I probably would have cried.
From the outside it appears to be a very large recreational vehicle that really serves no purpose other than to bring someone extra comfort and enjoyment. From our perspective it appears as a tool of God's to be moved around building the kingdom of God. We have been praying for the right owners to come along. We have been praying that the new owners would be just as blessed by our RV as we have been. We have been praying that the transaction would be mutually beneficial to all involved. God has been faithful.
We had many empty bites, a few more serious interests and the one we knew was the deal. We waited patiently and quietly never getting anxious. We peacefully knew that when things were lined up right it would happen. We had been talking with these particular perspective buyers for about a month. We got a fair deal, they love the rig and are headed first for Florida. When Jeramie got home I did have a handful of tears (exactly five). "Its sad" he said, "yep. yep it is" I confirmed.
So today we say "so long little home on wheels, we know you aren't just a luxury toy, we know that you belong to God to be used by God, like everything else in this world. We are just grateful that God provided you for us to be used for the length of time that He did. Send us a postcard when you get there..."
Last night we said "So Long" to our beloved traveling home on wheels. It has officially found a new home.
We knew it had to go. This new job isn't going to allow for much time off to spend traveling the road at our leisure. We knew it couldn't just sit indefinitly. All that didn't make it any easier. We aren't attached to it in a possessive glorious toy kind of way, it is more a loss of a season in life. The closure of a journey that our family cherishes so deeply.
Every moment in that RV was absolutely a blessing. Not one day of disappointment, sadness or regret. In our focus to set out to serve others we learned to serve each other, grew tighter as a family unit and have been taken to a level in our relationship with God and Jesus that we crave each and every day. I know that none of that is ending, that it is just changing.
I find it fascinating that the sound of that particular motor invokes the sense of adventure. It has found its place on the list of memorable sounds, you know alot like a special song. Jeramie started it up while we were getting it ready for its newest journey and we were all ready to go with it. The kids and I didn't go with him to deliver it and I am glad, I probably would have cried.
From the outside it appears to be a very large recreational vehicle that really serves no purpose other than to bring someone extra comfort and enjoyment. From our perspective it appears as a tool of God's to be moved around building the kingdom of God. We have been praying for the right owners to come along. We have been praying that the new owners would be just as blessed by our RV as we have been. We have been praying that the transaction would be mutually beneficial to all involved. God has been faithful.
We had many empty bites, a few more serious interests and the one we knew was the deal. We waited patiently and quietly never getting anxious. We peacefully knew that when things were lined up right it would happen. We had been talking with these particular perspective buyers for about a month. We got a fair deal, they love the rig and are headed first for Florida. When Jeramie got home I did have a handful of tears (exactly five). "Its sad" he said, "yep. yep it is" I confirmed.
So today we say "so long little home on wheels, we know you aren't just a luxury toy, we know that you belong to God to be used by God, like everything else in this world. We are just grateful that God provided you for us to be used for the length of time that He did. Send us a postcard when you get there..."
Monday, October 3, 2011
It's not about me
NO words... That is my only excuse for this great lapse in posting. I have had no words.
I haven't written because as I said, I haven't felt like I have had words to write. It didn't seem like much of anything was happening while we were living in the sleepy little town but looking back I realized that I had been sharing little stories of little adventures with others and some were missing out. So, in essence, it's not about me or for me to decide what is worthy of sharing. We aren't rolling down the road right now, but the adventures are still happening.
Miles City was a very charming, small and quiet city. It didn't take me long to find a church family, start some new friendships and want to be a part of the community. I connected with some awesome people who are genuine and honest. However, despite the cities relaxed nature, it is still very isolated. Isolated from the rest of Montana and isolated from the rest of the world. There really isn't much to do on the eastern side of the state except fish and we aren't much on fishing. Well, Jeramie is, he likes to fly fish but my experience (yes, singular, a one time event) was boring and drowsy and I am confident that I am not missing out on much by not taking up the sport. The most frequent comment from many life time residents was "if I wasn't born and raised here, I wouldn't be here, all there is to do is drink...and fish". Since we don't do either we found ourselves with limited extracurricular options. But the people...I met some of the greatest, friendly people. And I got to live through the closest thing to a tornado that our family has ever seen, in a motor home in the middle of a field a.k.a. eastern Montana RV park.
In the summer the weather is amazing during the day. I seriously could not have lived out the summer in better weather...during the day. At night it rains and storms. It seemed like every night, at the same time, there would be a Tornado warning for eastern Montana, Custer County. That's us. The smaller trees in the area would bend sideways in the wind. They were only about 8 to 10 feet tall and have 3 to 4 inch diameter bases but when you see them almost parallel to the ground you have to wonder why we hadn't flown away like the other flying debris we would find in the morning. And, then, I almost did.
Jeramie had been called to work in the early evening, it was still beautiful, the awning was out, the kids were out, the sun was out. He had been home for the storm the night before and wondered before he left if he should put the awning up for the night. He didn't. It was so calm and sunny that it was hard to believe that the weather was as temperamental as it is. The next morning, bright and early, the wind started to move. And so did the RV. I couldn't figure out why we hadn't moved much in the last couple of storms but this time the dishes were rattling. I haven't ever experienced tornadoes. They don't happen where I come from. But I have done all of the necessary research. I watched the Wizard of Oz every year as a kid. What more is there to know.
I was trying to make myself some coffee and realized that I could not see our awning outside the kitchen window. Uh. OK. If I can't see it, where is it? I honestly contemplated ignorance and briefly decided that if it was gone when the wind stopped that I would go find it and was OK with the possible cost of the damages to the awning and the arms they connect to but all I could envision was a car driving along the street beside the RV park being wrapped in a giant blue and white tarp like thing, having it veer off through the high end car dealership wiping out all the cars all the while the Allstate mass mayhem character covered in his band aids is smiling at me. I put my coffee pot down and put on my shoes. I was going to make this quick so I didn't bother actually getting dressed.
I barely opened the door and it blew out of my hand and slammed against the wall. I leaped outside and slammed the door shut, looked up and located our awning. it was thankfully still attached but the wind was so massive that it was lifting it straight in the air like a true sail and slamming it back down. I quickly realized that this might take a while and that I was also under dressed for the event. I had never opened or closed the awning by myself so I actually had no idea what I was doing. I stood for a minute trying to dissect the mechanics of it and then took another minute to time the wind gusts. The arms never did come down low enough to grab so I had to find the ladder. I got that under control, climbed it and latched onto an arm...it was the beginning of the end. it shot into the air, and I went with it, up and down, up and down. The Whole time I am trying to time unlocking it when it was in a position of least resistance. I would get an 1/2 inch and then have to run to the other side and gain a 1/2 inch and back again the whole time trying to beat the wind because every time I got down the wind would take away my progress. Finally, one arm was unlocked and slammed to the base. But that second one was not going to budge. I fought that thing for 1/2 an hour and finally, threw my hands up and prayed, "Lord, I cannot do this, for the safety of others and the safety of our equipment unlock this for Me!" I climbed the ladder for one last futile attempt and with a gentle click, no effort involved against all the power of the wind, it released and slide to the base, rolled up (almost) on its own and that was that. It didn't look pretty and it wasn't exactly properly put away, in fact it looked terribly mangled but it was safe and not broken. I fought my way inside, threw myself on the floor and laid there. I was soaking with sweat, my jammies stuck to my sides, sore all over and amazed at what had just happened. I looked up from my supine position to see six eyes staring down at me. "Mom, where have you been?" "trying to put the awning away" "oh...whens breakfast?" "in a few minutes... I just...need to...lay here...for a minute". They had no concern for their tattered mother, just their hungry bellies. The morning was obviously not about me, but rather their needs. That night, in the dark of a clear and calm black sky, with the light of the RV park showcasing my adventure, Jeramie came home. "WHAT did you do to the awning, you couldn't have waited for me to put it away? I could see it all the way from the Haynes (a main street a few blocks away)" I smiled at him and gave a little giggle "No. IT couldn't wait for you to put it away. I was happy to, but it wasn't." He could be frustrated all he wanted, I joyfully didn't care because once again, it wasn't about me. That storm resulted in a rancher being struck off his horse by lightning while out moving cattle and he died. All I suffered was a good workout.
We aren't in Montana anymore but I will save the story of that for another post. Today, I just want to marinate in the power of God, share the power of God and giggle about my misguided belief that I can go toe to toe with the power of God. I firmly believe that God put up the awning for me and I will go to my grave (or to the rapture)knowing that. In that moment, I was so completely insignificant but so completely important. In that moment it was just me and God. In that moment it wasn't about me, it was about God. In that moment I was given a small taste of how much bigger God is than myself. In that moment, I was given the gift of a true life tangible experience of what it feels like to fight God. In that moment I was glaringly aware of my inadequacy. But most of all, in that moment, I was empowered to do all things through Christ who strengthens me including fighting a storm and putting it aside to still serve others. It was not an experience of death, or cancer or sickness but it was the experience God had for me and because of that I will cherish that tornado remnant always. I am pretty sure I can live without another storm like that, but, that one.. that one was special.
I haven't written because as I said, I haven't felt like I have had words to write. It didn't seem like much of anything was happening while we were living in the sleepy little town but looking back I realized that I had been sharing little stories of little adventures with others and some were missing out. So, in essence, it's not about me or for me to decide what is worthy of sharing. We aren't rolling down the road right now, but the adventures are still happening.
Miles City was a very charming, small and quiet city. It didn't take me long to find a church family, start some new friendships and want to be a part of the community. I connected with some awesome people who are genuine and honest. However, despite the cities relaxed nature, it is still very isolated. Isolated from the rest of Montana and isolated from the rest of the world. There really isn't much to do on the eastern side of the state except fish and we aren't much on fishing. Well, Jeramie is, he likes to fly fish but my experience (yes, singular, a one time event) was boring and drowsy and I am confident that I am not missing out on much by not taking up the sport. The most frequent comment from many life time residents was "if I wasn't born and raised here, I wouldn't be here, all there is to do is drink...and fish". Since we don't do either we found ourselves with limited extracurricular options. But the people...I met some of the greatest, friendly people. And I got to live through the closest thing to a tornado that our family has ever seen, in a motor home in the middle of a field a.k.a. eastern Montana RV park.
In the summer the weather is amazing during the day. I seriously could not have lived out the summer in better weather...during the day. At night it rains and storms. It seemed like every night, at the same time, there would be a Tornado warning for eastern Montana, Custer County. That's us. The smaller trees in the area would bend sideways in the wind. They were only about 8 to 10 feet tall and have 3 to 4 inch diameter bases but when you see them almost parallel to the ground you have to wonder why we hadn't flown away like the other flying debris we would find in the morning. And, then, I almost did.
Jeramie had been called to work in the early evening, it was still beautiful, the awning was out, the kids were out, the sun was out. He had been home for the storm the night before and wondered before he left if he should put the awning up for the night. He didn't. It was so calm and sunny that it was hard to believe that the weather was as temperamental as it is. The next morning, bright and early, the wind started to move. And so did the RV. I couldn't figure out why we hadn't moved much in the last couple of storms but this time the dishes were rattling. I haven't ever experienced tornadoes. They don't happen where I come from. But I have done all of the necessary research. I watched the Wizard of Oz every year as a kid. What more is there to know.
I was trying to make myself some coffee and realized that I could not see our awning outside the kitchen window. Uh. OK. If I can't see it, where is it? I honestly contemplated ignorance and briefly decided that if it was gone when the wind stopped that I would go find it and was OK with the possible cost of the damages to the awning and the arms they connect to but all I could envision was a car driving along the street beside the RV park being wrapped in a giant blue and white tarp like thing, having it veer off through the high end car dealership wiping out all the cars all the while the Allstate mass mayhem character covered in his band aids is smiling at me. I put my coffee pot down and put on my shoes. I was going to make this quick so I didn't bother actually getting dressed.
I barely opened the door and it blew out of my hand and slammed against the wall. I leaped outside and slammed the door shut, looked up and located our awning. it was thankfully still attached but the wind was so massive that it was lifting it straight in the air like a true sail and slamming it back down. I quickly realized that this might take a while and that I was also under dressed for the event. I had never opened or closed the awning by myself so I actually had no idea what I was doing. I stood for a minute trying to dissect the mechanics of it and then took another minute to time the wind gusts. The arms never did come down low enough to grab so I had to find the ladder. I got that under control, climbed it and latched onto an arm...it was the beginning of the end. it shot into the air, and I went with it, up and down, up and down. The Whole time I am trying to time unlocking it when it was in a position of least resistance. I would get an 1/2 inch and then have to run to the other side and gain a 1/2 inch and back again the whole time trying to beat the wind because every time I got down the wind would take away my progress. Finally, one arm was unlocked and slammed to the base. But that second one was not going to budge. I fought that thing for 1/2 an hour and finally, threw my hands up and prayed, "Lord, I cannot do this, for the safety of others and the safety of our equipment unlock this for Me!" I climbed the ladder for one last futile attempt and with a gentle click, no effort involved against all the power of the wind, it released and slide to the base, rolled up (almost) on its own and that was that. It didn't look pretty and it wasn't exactly properly put away, in fact it looked terribly mangled but it was safe and not broken. I fought my way inside, threw myself on the floor and laid there. I was soaking with sweat, my jammies stuck to my sides, sore all over and amazed at what had just happened. I looked up from my supine position to see six eyes staring down at me. "Mom, where have you been?" "trying to put the awning away" "oh...whens breakfast?" "in a few minutes... I just...need to...lay here...for a minute". They had no concern for their tattered mother, just their hungry bellies. The morning was obviously not about me, but rather their needs. That night, in the dark of a clear and calm black sky, with the light of the RV park showcasing my adventure, Jeramie came home. "WHAT did you do to the awning, you couldn't have waited for me to put it away? I could see it all the way from the Haynes (a main street a few blocks away)" I smiled at him and gave a little giggle "No. IT couldn't wait for you to put it away. I was happy to, but it wasn't." He could be frustrated all he wanted, I joyfully didn't care because once again, it wasn't about me. That storm resulted in a rancher being struck off his horse by lightning while out moving cattle and he died. All I suffered was a good workout.
We aren't in Montana anymore but I will save the story of that for another post. Today, I just want to marinate in the power of God, share the power of God and giggle about my misguided belief that I can go toe to toe with the power of God. I firmly believe that God put up the awning for me and I will go to my grave (or to the rapture)knowing that. In that moment, I was so completely insignificant but so completely important. In that moment it was just me and God. In that moment it wasn't about me, it was about God. In that moment I was given a small taste of how much bigger God is than myself. In that moment, I was given the gift of a true life tangible experience of what it feels like to fight God. In that moment I was glaringly aware of my inadequacy. But most of all, in that moment, I was empowered to do all things through Christ who strengthens me including fighting a storm and putting it aside to still serve others. It was not an experience of death, or cancer or sickness but it was the experience God had for me and because of that I will cherish that tornado remnant always. I am pretty sure I can live without another storm like that, but, that one.. that one was special.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Miles Away City, Montana
Miles City, Montana is the major city serving most of Montana on the east side of Billings. There are only about 9,000 people here. There is a hospital, medical clinic, Albertsons and Wal-Mart. Life is quiet. You can ride your 4-wheeler as use for your main mode of transportation down main street if you wish. All of the houses were built in the early 1900's and nothing much else has been built since. Downtown is cool, it hosts the legendary "Olive Hotel". It was given its true 15 minutes of fame in the movie "Lonesome Dove". It is were old Gus gets shot in the story and then later dies from his wounds. Most of the residence are born and raised here and are descendents of the original settlers back in the 1850's. It appears that the musical artist Bob Dylan did some time at the Custer County High School under the name of Richard Zimmerman but though locals know that as fact, nothing in Dylan's information supports it. But that is OK because it is just another thing that makes this town interesting. Miles City is right on the Yellowstone River and the kids all float it in the summer. Though the history runs deep in this town it is best known for its World Famous Bucking Horse Sale held the third weekend in May every year. During this weekend the crowd grows from about 9,000 residents to about 20,000 people. This is where we come in.
Jeramie just recently became hired on by Burlington Northern Santa Fe railway with his assigned yard based in Forsyth, Montana and our move in date was the same weekend of this years sale. Might as well get thrown in and learn to swim. It did nothing but rain the first week we were here. To the point that every town around Billings and east was flooded out. Interesting but we take a different job in Montana only to arrive when FEMA inspectors arrive to assess flood damage. I guess we would have been here either way. We were offered testing in two places originally, Forsyth and Aberdeen, South Dakota. South Dakota did not appeal to the extended familial masses so Forsyth it was. Whenever my mother-in-law calls for the update, she lovingly refers to our new address as Miles Away City. It cracks me up because when she does come to visit she is going to find out just exactly how much truth there is to her banter. Forsyth is about 45 miles west of Miles City. Jeramie has started the 15 week Conductor Trainee program and will be a full conductor upon completion. He works for a freight line. Not a passenger line. he will not be taking train tickets from passengers. His job is more aptly described as Operations Manager of freight and coal trains. He will be in charge of ensuring the correct cars are attached in the correct order along with making sure the train leaves and follows a strict schedule as well as adhering to the laws of the rail and the game of traffic chess that is involved with multiple trains crawling all over the country-side. He manages all of this from the locomotive and travels with the train to its next yard and then hitches a ride home on another incoming train. It is him and an engineer. The engineer is in charge of the locomotive or engine only. The conductor is in charge of the train. They work together and the job cannot be done one without the other. They are separate jobs but it takes them both. So, no passengers on this rail only freight, coal and hazardous materials.
Rental housing in Miles City is hard to get your hands on. There are rental houses but when one comes back on the rental market it is usually re-rented within 12 hours. We are still in our RV which is totally fine with me. The RV has become our home so it is making the transition back into the "real world" a lot easier. Though we hope to be in a house by winter, we are not anxious to run right out and move into the first thing we see. To be honest, the thought of settling down and all that comes with that was a little suffocating at first. I have enjoyed the freedom we have had this last year on the road. But as we search out our new home state, the pressure of stationary living is starting to melt away.
We have been advised that the best way to approach housing is to forgo the rentals all together and buy but neither one of us is really super on board with that idea either. It seems the primary reason is that there are a few areas we could actually move to and we haven't even decided which town that will be. But deep down it is probably due to the fact that when we do, it becomes permanent. We are waiting patiently on the Lord to direct us.
I was having a bit of a hard time coming to to terms with parking the RV. I just couldn't believe that it would truly be over. But then we were informed that conductors for BNSF have the option of filling a position of traveling conductors. They call them mercenaries and they travel from yard to yard filling in where the yard is short handed on conductors for as long as one is needed and then moves on to another yard. That got me super excited. That got Jeramie super excited. Neither one of us was ready to plant roots so soon, however the down time in between the FEMA disaster work was driving Jeramie crazy with boredom. Maybe this was the work God had for us that would keep us more busy and still be mobile? Maybe this was the tool that would keep us immersed in multitudes of people. Maybe it doesn't have to end here. But, maybe not. Maybe we are suppose to settle right into small town rural Montana. We have no idea what lies ahead, only God. So for now we are perfectly content with still claiming our nomadic lifestyle and hanging in Miles City and keeping our options open. We might just be back on the road before we know it...or maybe not.
Jeramie just recently became hired on by Burlington Northern Santa Fe railway with his assigned yard based in Forsyth, Montana and our move in date was the same weekend of this years sale. Might as well get thrown in and learn to swim. It did nothing but rain the first week we were here. To the point that every town around Billings and east was flooded out. Interesting but we take a different job in Montana only to arrive when FEMA inspectors arrive to assess flood damage. I guess we would have been here either way. We were offered testing in two places originally, Forsyth and Aberdeen, South Dakota. South Dakota did not appeal to the extended familial masses so Forsyth it was. Whenever my mother-in-law calls for the update, she lovingly refers to our new address as Miles Away City. It cracks me up because when she does come to visit she is going to find out just exactly how much truth there is to her banter. Forsyth is about 45 miles west of Miles City. Jeramie has started the 15 week Conductor Trainee program and will be a full conductor upon completion. He works for a freight line. Not a passenger line. he will not be taking train tickets from passengers. His job is more aptly described as Operations Manager of freight and coal trains. He will be in charge of ensuring the correct cars are attached in the correct order along with making sure the train leaves and follows a strict schedule as well as adhering to the laws of the rail and the game of traffic chess that is involved with multiple trains crawling all over the country-side. He manages all of this from the locomotive and travels with the train to its next yard and then hitches a ride home on another incoming train. It is him and an engineer. The engineer is in charge of the locomotive or engine only. The conductor is in charge of the train. They work together and the job cannot be done one without the other. They are separate jobs but it takes them both. So, no passengers on this rail only freight, coal and hazardous materials.
Rental housing in Miles City is hard to get your hands on. There are rental houses but when one comes back on the rental market it is usually re-rented within 12 hours. We are still in our RV which is totally fine with me. The RV has become our home so it is making the transition back into the "real world" a lot easier. Though we hope to be in a house by winter, we are not anxious to run right out and move into the first thing we see. To be honest, the thought of settling down and all that comes with that was a little suffocating at first. I have enjoyed the freedom we have had this last year on the road. But as we search out our new home state, the pressure of stationary living is starting to melt away.
We have been advised that the best way to approach housing is to forgo the rentals all together and buy but neither one of us is really super on board with that idea either. It seems the primary reason is that there are a few areas we could actually move to and we haven't even decided which town that will be. But deep down it is probably due to the fact that when we do, it becomes permanent. We are waiting patiently on the Lord to direct us.
I was having a bit of a hard time coming to to terms with parking the RV. I just couldn't believe that it would truly be over. But then we were informed that conductors for BNSF have the option of filling a position of traveling conductors. They call them mercenaries and they travel from yard to yard filling in where the yard is short handed on conductors for as long as one is needed and then moves on to another yard. That got me super excited. That got Jeramie super excited. Neither one of us was ready to plant roots so soon, however the down time in between the FEMA disaster work was driving Jeramie crazy with boredom. Maybe this was the work God had for us that would keep us more busy and still be mobile? Maybe this was the tool that would keep us immersed in multitudes of people. Maybe it doesn't have to end here. But, maybe not. Maybe we are suppose to settle right into small town rural Montana. We have no idea what lies ahead, only God. So for now we are perfectly content with still claiming our nomadic lifestyle and hanging in Miles City and keeping our options open. We might just be back on the road before we know it...or maybe not.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Honor your father and mother
Well, here I am, I do exist...
I was amazed at the length of time it has been since I last truly posted and I am a bit embarrassed but then I look back at why and remind myself "uh, when exactly were you suppose to do that?" I didn't turn on my computer for eight weeks...literally.
Lets first start with the bible verse Proverbs 27:1 "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth".
Last we chatted Jeramie and I were excited to share our new plans for the spring and our time of furlough between disasters. They were good plans. They were evaluated, chosen and scheduled with ministry purely in mind. We were ready to move forward in a new direction after enjoying some warm Arizona sun. Then promptly after I posted it, we got the telephone call.
Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you".
My sister called to inform me that there had been some sort of accident on the farm and my mother was in the hospital. My mom is young, very active and rides horses as her work and career. My mother had broken her upper femur in four places. That is correct. Oddly broken from many angles in four places. The details of what happened were totally non-understandable but the details were not the issue. The issue was that she was going to need twenty-four hour care indefinitely and there is only one sibling who was truly capable of filling that roll. So, we kicked and screamed just a little because that's what you do when life redirects itself. I mean, we already had our spring planned out. I double checked and nope, sure enough, I did not have this even penciled in let alone written in pen on my calendar. But we were quickly reminded that our mission is to serve those who need and what good is it if we do not recognize family in need. It is not that we didn't want to help. We were just really excited to follow through with what WE had chosen. However, we prayed for direction in our service to people and we learned a long time ago that what you think the answer is suppose to look like is almost always not at all what God presents.
Before I got to be privy to the details of her case, we had to get from SE Arizona to NW Oregon. In the middle of the biggest rain/snow storm the west coast had seen in a long time. It took us four days. Ridiculous. We got laid over in Redding, California at the base of the Mt. Shasta because of road closures. While we were there our motorhome was tested for durability and we almost thought it wasn't going to make it. We finally had a break in the storm and we made a bolt for it. We arrived in Philomath, Oregon on March 20th.
Her leg was complicated enough that the orthopedic surgeons at the hospital did not feel qualified to handle her leg and there was talk of sending her two hours away in hopes of her being attended to by surgeons who may or may not have ever dealt with a case similar to hers. Two days of deliberation all the while my drugged up mother laid in the hospital, broken, giving everybody some of the best laughs they had had in a while. You would think the staff would tell the non-stoned family members present that the patient is on an I.V. drip of meds AND has access to a self managed button if she should need more. My sister made sure I knew that I had missed the best part because we arrived after her surgery and she was back home...off the I.V. Fortunately, she did not have to be transferred. A surgeon who had recently come back out of retirement decided he could tackle it as well as anybody. And he did. A rod through her hip, a rod down her femur, a couple of screws top and bottom and wrap it with some wire and we have a leg. The 24" suture that extended from hip to knee reminded me of closing the burlap bags full of wool that we use to have to jump in as kids during sheep shearing season to stuff as much wool in as possible before closing. Big black stitches that wrapped in and over creating a bulge of excess much like the top of a wool bag bursting at the seem.
The physical part of her healing process is on super fast recovery mode. The doctors were impressed by her progress. The original thought was no walking for at least six months maybe even a year with a goal of good use of the leg. Not full use but good use. Eight weeks later she was walking, almost full weight bearing with the use of aides, i.e. walker, cane etc. The emotional healing is a different kind of healing all together because though she will regain most use back in her leg, she may never gain back fully her active horsey lifestyle. Life will be different now and she doesn't know quite how it will be. That can be the most scary part of any recovery.
The details of her accident are very vivid in her mind and though she was in the presence of a horse, it was not a horse accident. It was a result of faulty body mechanics. Technically she has a degenerated knee that failed her and the mid-stride position her body was in was to much force for her upper leg to support when her knee gave out. So now she gets her knee replaced too.
Though I spent most of my time caring for my mom, I was able to get away some and experience the farm with my kids. I took them out and did what I did growing up there. Spring time is baby farm animal season and the farm is never without baby farm animals. It was crawling with kids (the goat kind not human), lambs and foals. The kids (my human kids, not goats) got to experience first hand God's plan for life and death all in the same instance.
One of the mares had difficulty foaling and while we were expecting a brand new vibrant baby horse the kids instead witnessed the death of the same foal before she was even born. The mare came into distress and the exam revealed a very dry, breech baby. Essentially a dead baby that could not be born. The mare was saved.
Earlier this spring there had been problems in the area with mountain lions. There had been sitings close to the farm and eventually one of them got a hold of some ewe's on the place. The wildlife and game control came and did a search and killed a monster cougar that had been dining on the sheep. He was six feet nose to tail. That's a big forest cat to find in your barn! But it was an awesome hands on, real life moment for my kids to see up close how God allows nature to work.
We were finishing up our plant science with a final project of collecting plant specimans. We couldn't have been in a better spot for that. There is everything in that science book, except cacti, right there on that farm. The valley was a great place to bring that kind of science to a closure.
Jeramie kept busy with farm work. During this time of family immersion it came to be on his heart to contemplate finding work that was more stationary. I faltered briefly this last winter with parking the RV but quickly came out of that funk. We still had ambitions of picking up our plans right where we would have been when we were done helping out my family. But lots of prayer brought us to a place of letting go of our itinerary. So we prayed that if God would have us settle down and plant again that it would nag both of us. We decided to start walking toward opportunities and keep walking as long as the doors were open.
The doors we walked towards were totally aligned by God. Jeramie is not one of these guys who has always wanted to be a ...(insert any profession here). He just started submitting resumes to companies who were advertising job descriptions that he thought he might enjoy. What we got was, from our perspective, completely random. He had doors open for Border Patrol, TSA as a US Air Marshall and from BNSF, a railway company that hauls freight. We moved toward them all and stopped with the first final offer that came, BNSF.
BNSF. Burlington Northern Santa Fe. They are the second biggest railway in the country with coverage in 28 states and 3 Canadian provinces. The position he was offered was in Forsyth, Montana. I had no idea where exactly that was but I get excited by the unknown so sounded good to me. Forsyth is in rural, Eastern Montana. In Rosebud county. The fourth largest county in Montana with a total population of 11,000 people. You read that right, 11,000 people in the COUNTY.
On May 18th, 2011 we moved to Miles City, Montana. For good...for now. But our journey is not over and since it is not over this is where I will leave you all and say good night. Until next time and I promise it will not be three months before you hear from me again, I hope to leave you hanging, wanting to hear more of our new chapter in life. The life that no matter how hard we try to plan never, ever turns out like we expect it to.
I was amazed at the length of time it has been since I last truly posted and I am a bit embarrassed but then I look back at why and remind myself "uh, when exactly were you suppose to do that?" I didn't turn on my computer for eight weeks...literally.
Lets first start with the bible verse Proverbs 27:1 "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth".
Last we chatted Jeramie and I were excited to share our new plans for the spring and our time of furlough between disasters. They were good plans. They were evaluated, chosen and scheduled with ministry purely in mind. We were ready to move forward in a new direction after enjoying some warm Arizona sun. Then promptly after I posted it, we got the telephone call.
Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you".
My sister called to inform me that there had been some sort of accident on the farm and my mother was in the hospital. My mom is young, very active and rides horses as her work and career. My mother had broken her upper femur in four places. That is correct. Oddly broken from many angles in four places. The details of what happened were totally non-understandable but the details were not the issue. The issue was that she was going to need twenty-four hour care indefinitely and there is only one sibling who was truly capable of filling that roll. So, we kicked and screamed just a little because that's what you do when life redirects itself. I mean, we already had our spring planned out. I double checked and nope, sure enough, I did not have this even penciled in let alone written in pen on my calendar. But we were quickly reminded that our mission is to serve those who need and what good is it if we do not recognize family in need. It is not that we didn't want to help. We were just really excited to follow through with what WE had chosen. However, we prayed for direction in our service to people and we learned a long time ago that what you think the answer is suppose to look like is almost always not at all what God presents.
Before I got to be privy to the details of her case, we had to get from SE Arizona to NW Oregon. In the middle of the biggest rain/snow storm the west coast had seen in a long time. It took us four days. Ridiculous. We got laid over in Redding, California at the base of the Mt. Shasta because of road closures. While we were there our motorhome was tested for durability and we almost thought it wasn't going to make it. We finally had a break in the storm and we made a bolt for it. We arrived in Philomath, Oregon on March 20th.
Her leg was complicated enough that the orthopedic surgeons at the hospital did not feel qualified to handle her leg and there was talk of sending her two hours away in hopes of her being attended to by surgeons who may or may not have ever dealt with a case similar to hers. Two days of deliberation all the while my drugged up mother laid in the hospital, broken, giving everybody some of the best laughs they had had in a while. You would think the staff would tell the non-stoned family members present that the patient is on an I.V. drip of meds AND has access to a self managed button if she should need more. My sister made sure I knew that I had missed the best part because we arrived after her surgery and she was back home...off the I.V. Fortunately, she did not have to be transferred. A surgeon who had recently come back out of retirement decided he could tackle it as well as anybody. And he did. A rod through her hip, a rod down her femur, a couple of screws top and bottom and wrap it with some wire and we have a leg. The 24" suture that extended from hip to knee reminded me of closing the burlap bags full of wool that we use to have to jump in as kids during sheep shearing season to stuff as much wool in as possible before closing. Big black stitches that wrapped in and over creating a bulge of excess much like the top of a wool bag bursting at the seem.
The physical part of her healing process is on super fast recovery mode. The doctors were impressed by her progress. The original thought was no walking for at least six months maybe even a year with a goal of good use of the leg. Not full use but good use. Eight weeks later she was walking, almost full weight bearing with the use of aides, i.e. walker, cane etc. The emotional healing is a different kind of healing all together because though she will regain most use back in her leg, she may never gain back fully her active horsey lifestyle. Life will be different now and she doesn't know quite how it will be. That can be the most scary part of any recovery.
The details of her accident are very vivid in her mind and though she was in the presence of a horse, it was not a horse accident. It was a result of faulty body mechanics. Technically she has a degenerated knee that failed her and the mid-stride position her body was in was to much force for her upper leg to support when her knee gave out. So now she gets her knee replaced too.
Though I spent most of my time caring for my mom, I was able to get away some and experience the farm with my kids. I took them out and did what I did growing up there. Spring time is baby farm animal season and the farm is never without baby farm animals. It was crawling with kids (the goat kind not human), lambs and foals. The kids (my human kids, not goats) got to experience first hand God's plan for life and death all in the same instance.
One of the mares had difficulty foaling and while we were expecting a brand new vibrant baby horse the kids instead witnessed the death of the same foal before she was even born. The mare came into distress and the exam revealed a very dry, breech baby. Essentially a dead baby that could not be born. The mare was saved.
Earlier this spring there had been problems in the area with mountain lions. There had been sitings close to the farm and eventually one of them got a hold of some ewe's on the place. The wildlife and game control came and did a search and killed a monster cougar that had been dining on the sheep. He was six feet nose to tail. That's a big forest cat to find in your barn! But it was an awesome hands on, real life moment for my kids to see up close how God allows nature to work.
We were finishing up our plant science with a final project of collecting plant specimans. We couldn't have been in a better spot for that. There is everything in that science book, except cacti, right there on that farm. The valley was a great place to bring that kind of science to a closure.
Jeramie kept busy with farm work. During this time of family immersion it came to be on his heart to contemplate finding work that was more stationary. I faltered briefly this last winter with parking the RV but quickly came out of that funk. We still had ambitions of picking up our plans right where we would have been when we were done helping out my family. But lots of prayer brought us to a place of letting go of our itinerary. So we prayed that if God would have us settle down and plant again that it would nag both of us. We decided to start walking toward opportunities and keep walking as long as the doors were open.
The doors we walked towards were totally aligned by God. Jeramie is not one of these guys who has always wanted to be a ...(insert any profession here). He just started submitting resumes to companies who were advertising job descriptions that he thought he might enjoy. What we got was, from our perspective, completely random. He had doors open for Border Patrol, TSA as a US Air Marshall and from BNSF, a railway company that hauls freight. We moved toward them all and stopped with the first final offer that came, BNSF.
BNSF. Burlington Northern Santa Fe. They are the second biggest railway in the country with coverage in 28 states and 3 Canadian provinces. The position he was offered was in Forsyth, Montana. I had no idea where exactly that was but I get excited by the unknown so sounded good to me. Forsyth is in rural, Eastern Montana. In Rosebud county. The fourth largest county in Montana with a total population of 11,000 people. You read that right, 11,000 people in the COUNTY.
On May 18th, 2011 we moved to Miles City, Montana. For good...for now. But our journey is not over and since it is not over this is where I will leave you all and say good night. Until next time and I promise it will not be three months before you hear from me again, I hope to leave you hanging, wanting to hear more of our new chapter in life. The life that no matter how hard we try to plan never, ever turns out like we expect it to.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Making it Ours
It has been awhile since we last visited but instead of updating you all as to what we have actually been up to, I am instead going to share in detail what exactly we have done to our home on wheels to make it ours. I draw off of the inspiration of fellow families that do what we do and am writing this for the website Families on the Road, http://familiesontheroad.com/carnival.html#4.
We bought a 1997 37 ft Fleetwood Bounder with a 14 ft slide. If anyone remembers the trends of the ‘90’s than you will easily envision the large cornflower blue flowers that adorned most upholsteries of furniture in homes with wheels as well as homes without wheels. Our motorhome was no exception. It also came deluxe with cornflower blue carpet, valances, countertops and laminate flooring. I mean this thing was BLUE. But because of its age and us being the third owners it was also tinged with a topical shade of dirt. All in all, the blue had to go.
Fortunately Jeramie has a few years of experience in remodeling homes so what could have been a mess no normal person would tackle became just another weekend project for us. So, out came most all of the interior. With the help of Jeramies dad we had a clean slate and new interior in only a short weekend.
Most class A motorhomes come with a master bedroom and additional sleeping space at the dinette and fold down couch. But we have three little kids and with Jeramies long work hours we knew that that particular arrangement just could not do. So here is what we did….
We replaced all of the carpet with new more neutral tan colors in the bedroom and on the slide floor and under the drivers and passenger seats. The main floor living space has wood laminate flooring and we put down tile on the floors in the bathroom. The bathroom originally had carpet and I really cannot understand this. I mean, the average toilet in a motorhome doesn’t really leave any room for a 7 year old boy to overshoot his target. I do understand that most motorhomes do not house seven year old boys longterm but it seems to me that it is still a factor to consider in the planning phases of development of a recreational vehicle. But since the big guys at Fleetwood didn’t plan for that, we made the adjustments ourselves.
We pulled out the master bed and built a bunk bed three racks high on one side of the room and put in a simple desk on the other side. This allows for storage of all things that fit in steri-lite containers (mostly toys).
We ripped out the dinette and couch on the slide and replaced it with a built-in murphy bed for us adults. In case you aren’t sure what exactly a Murphy bed is, it folds into the wall when not in use and folds down out of the wall to the floor when needed from hinges placed at the back side of the bed frame. It looks like a wall when folded up. We trashed the couch and replaced it with a more trendy black faux leather couch that will still fold down into a double bed. It has a middle arm that folds down with built in cup holders so the kids have a place for their drinks while traveling. So technically, our RV now sleeps seven and it originally only slept six. Since we no longer have a dinette we use a resin fold up table and resin folding chairs that can easily be put away during transit and in between meal times. It allows for every extra inch of space that we can get our hands on that is free and clear of cumbersome built-ins. When the Murphy bed is folded up we get the extra square footage back in free space.
The bathroom got new tile counter tops, a new porcelain sink and better quality faucet along with the new flooring.
The kitchen also got new tile counter tops, back splash and faucet. Since my usable counter space in the kitchen was about 12 inches in width, Jeramie built me a folding peninsula counter extension that is attached to the cabinetry and folds down when not using it. So now my kitchen is more of an “L” shape instead of the standard single wall sink to stove arrangement.
The living space had an additional chair and side table behind the front passenger seat that we removed and put in a locking file cabinet for our personal papers and school books.
Jeramies job requires an office set-up. Since there is so much wasted space at the front of class A’s we took advantage of the passenger seat as a desk chair and built a 4 ft by 5 ft desk that lends enough space for our computers, printer, etc.
We replaced the electronics with new flat panel T.V.s and insatlled it with the “necessary” media equipment. You know, for rainy days. Movies, the occasional video game and every now and then whatever on the Wii. Basketball is not the easiest game to play with the limit of a 7 ft ceiling but we get a good game of golf in regularly.
Propane is not cheap so we stopped using the central forced air unit and have been using regular space heaters and nobody has frozen yet. We also equipped the hot water heater with an electric modification to decrease the propane usage and that has been the best investment.
I think that is about it. This RV is definetly not the same rig we bought. But we got a super deal on it because it wasn’t very clean on the inside (mechanically it was a smokin’ deal) so the little money in materials we put into it was justifiable. We are fortunate that we had the skill and aptitude needed to make these changes built-in to Jeramie and his dad. In addition, we were able to customize it to our needs instead of trying to live around an inadequate floor plan for a family of five. If we were to do it over again I would do everything exactly the same. I love our little house on wheels and will be sad when the day comes for us to park it and move into something that is attached to the ground.
We bought a 1997 37 ft Fleetwood Bounder with a 14 ft slide. If anyone remembers the trends of the ‘90’s than you will easily envision the large cornflower blue flowers that adorned most upholsteries of furniture in homes with wheels as well as homes without wheels. Our motorhome was no exception. It also came deluxe with cornflower blue carpet, valances, countertops and laminate flooring. I mean this thing was BLUE. But because of its age and us being the third owners it was also tinged with a topical shade of dirt. All in all, the blue had to go.
Fortunately Jeramie has a few years of experience in remodeling homes so what could have been a mess no normal person would tackle became just another weekend project for us. So, out came most all of the interior. With the help of Jeramies dad we had a clean slate and new interior in only a short weekend.
Most class A motorhomes come with a master bedroom and additional sleeping space at the dinette and fold down couch. But we have three little kids and with Jeramies long work hours we knew that that particular arrangement just could not do. So here is what we did….
We replaced all of the carpet with new more neutral tan colors in the bedroom and on the slide floor and under the drivers and passenger seats. The main floor living space has wood laminate flooring and we put down tile on the floors in the bathroom. The bathroom originally had carpet and I really cannot understand this. I mean, the average toilet in a motorhome doesn’t really leave any room for a 7 year old boy to overshoot his target. I do understand that most motorhomes do not house seven year old boys longterm but it seems to me that it is still a factor to consider in the planning phases of development of a recreational vehicle. But since the big guys at Fleetwood didn’t plan for that, we made the adjustments ourselves.
We pulled out the master bed and built a bunk bed three racks high on one side of the room and put in a simple desk on the other side. This allows for storage of all things that fit in steri-lite containers (mostly toys).
We ripped out the dinette and couch on the slide and replaced it with a built-in murphy bed for us adults. In case you aren’t sure what exactly a Murphy bed is, it folds into the wall when not in use and folds down out of the wall to the floor when needed from hinges placed at the back side of the bed frame. It looks like a wall when folded up. We trashed the couch and replaced it with a more trendy black faux leather couch that will still fold down into a double bed. It has a middle arm that folds down with built in cup holders so the kids have a place for their drinks while traveling. So technically, our RV now sleeps seven and it originally only slept six. Since we no longer have a dinette we use a resin fold up table and resin folding chairs that can easily be put away during transit and in between meal times. It allows for every extra inch of space that we can get our hands on that is free and clear of cumbersome built-ins. When the Murphy bed is folded up we get the extra square footage back in free space.
The bathroom got new tile counter tops, a new porcelain sink and better quality faucet along with the new flooring.
The kitchen also got new tile counter tops, back splash and faucet. Since my usable counter space in the kitchen was about 12 inches in width, Jeramie built me a folding peninsula counter extension that is attached to the cabinetry and folds down when not using it. So now my kitchen is more of an “L” shape instead of the standard single wall sink to stove arrangement.
The living space had an additional chair and side table behind the front passenger seat that we removed and put in a locking file cabinet for our personal papers and school books.
Jeramies job requires an office set-up. Since there is so much wasted space at the front of class A’s we took advantage of the passenger seat as a desk chair and built a 4 ft by 5 ft desk that lends enough space for our computers, printer, etc.
We replaced the electronics with new flat panel T.V.s and insatlled it with the “necessary” media equipment. You know, for rainy days. Movies, the occasional video game and every now and then whatever on the Wii. Basketball is not the easiest game to play with the limit of a 7 ft ceiling but we get a good game of golf in regularly.
Propane is not cheap so we stopped using the central forced air unit and have been using regular space heaters and nobody has frozen yet. We also equipped the hot water heater with an electric modification to decrease the propane usage and that has been the best investment.
I think that is about it. This RV is definetly not the same rig we bought. But we got a super deal on it because it wasn’t very clean on the inside (mechanically it was a smokin’ deal) so the little money in materials we put into it was justifiable. We are fortunate that we had the skill and aptitude needed to make these changes built-in to Jeramie and his dad. In addition, we were able to customize it to our needs instead of trying to live around an inadequate floor plan for a family of five. If we were to do it over again I would do everything exactly the same. I love our little house on wheels and will be sad when the day comes for us to park it and move into something that is attached to the ground.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Keep on Keepin' on
Whew! It’s been awhile friends and family and I am sorry for that. But, alas, I am here again and hopefully you all haven’t given up on us or our story. Anyhoo, we were down for awhile but are back at it and fired up to keep on keepin’ on.
We have spent the last month hanging and rejuvenating. It is hard to break the cycle of habits. We have found ourselves in sunny Arizona but have also found ourselves in classic hibernation. We come from an area that has distinct seasons. With our migration to an area that does not have these same seasons we were a bit surprised to find that our body clocks still expect to experience seasons. Specifically, winter. Our mental process this last six weeks has been of people who retreat into their snowy dens waiting for the first signs of spring. We find ourselves slowly getting going in the morning and when we finally do we are pleasantly “surprised” by the sun shining bright. Every morning. Every morning we slowly get going and are surprised by the sun. Every morning. What is that about? It is a testimony to how our surroundings impact our core and we don’t even know it is happening. We are like the behavioral experiment of the bugs in the jar. Leave the lid on and watch them jump consistently into the lid only to find they can’t get out. Take the lid off and find that the same bugs can’t get out because of their mental training to respond to the limitations of their environment. Praise the Lord and His patience. We are done being bugs.
We are headed for New Mexico in April. Unless we end up with a spring contract, which could very well happen. But, for now we are headed to New Mexico to be part of Habitat for Humanity. We are officially signed on with a specific group of volunteers that travel the U.S. building houses for families. We have explored this avenue previously but only kept it in the back of our minds. The timing wasn’t right. The timing wasn’t God’s. We understand the details of some of the timing process but not all of the details so it isn’t really worth much discussion. The simple fact of the matter is the timing wasn’t right. In the past this has been Jeramie’s service ministry. He is the builder. We have already discussed in earlier posts that I am not the builder. However, it is my ministry as well in the simple fact that we are a family on the road to serve people so I am here to aid and assist my husband in any journey we venture on. Besides. I get to meet new people. And that makes me a happy servant.
People. I am happiest when I am around people. I LOVE meeting new people. In fact, my kids are completely in tune to my love to meet new people. We were in Starbucks the other day and I was having a conversation with another “new friend” a.k.a. the lady standing behind me, when I over heard my kids having their own conversation. “Mom made a new friend” Lexi shared with Andon, “I know. Mom makes new friends everywhere she goes” Andon piped back almost like it is a bit more of an annoyance than anything. It has begun. I officially irritate my kids in public. Don’t let them fool you though, I think they are secretly more irritated that they are not the ones having the conversation rather than having to stand by patiently. They are themselves giant people-people. I am a giant people person. It is who God made me to be. As I said earlier, Jeramie and I had been praying for a ministry to serve. Jeramie loves to build. He gets Habitat for Humanity. I love people. I get….
To go back to school? Yes friends and family, I am going back to school. I know, been there done that and now I am at home with my babies and why in the world do I want to go back to school? Why would I go back to school when I am not searching for a career? Because I want to explore this as a new ministry that God might have for me. I am going back to school for Massage Therapy. I am not going back to school to enhance my career. I am not even concerned if I ever earn any money for this service. I am not searching for a new skill set to prepare me for the work force and to be honest I don’t even really want to go to school at all. It gives me a reason to be one on one with people, specifically, women. It gives me an avenue to create relationships with women. It has been put on my heart to offer this service to women that I meet, other moms who need a little catering to, other women who need the chance to relax for just a moment and breathe. And it is something that will complement my husbands ministry. I wanted to go to school for it back before I met Jeramie and the timing wasn’t right. I have always held it in the back of my mind. You know, the “I have always wanted to do that” thought. Not the “I have always wanted to do that” thought that consumes you. This thought doesn’t even own any mental real estate on a very frequent level. But it has always been there.
We also hope to take part in a program that exchanges volunteer work on an organic farm for “housing” or in our case a place to stop the RV. It will give us the perfect experience for tangible practice of all of the plant life science that we have been learning in school lately. What an amazing experience to grow, cultivate and be surrounded by God’s creation. Oh, and we get to eat some of it to. I am a little excited. We aren’t exactly sure when that will manifest because we are planning only a few weeks out at a time (since our work gives us only 48 hours to arrive to our deployed destination) but it is on the list for sometime. The sometime is up to God and we are good with that. Because when God says now, than now will be the right time.
We have also penciled in a mission trip of service to Colombia. Our dates are fuzzy but to miss out on the opportunity to serve widows and orphans would be a severe dis-service to God, the remnants of these families, our friends and ourselves. Our dear friends back in Central Oregon have been called to serve in Colombia with their beautiful family of seven along with another entire family to organize, plant, manage and serve in an orphanage. Check out their blog at ColombiaGraceFoundation.blogspot.com. Stacy has assigned me 5 am goat milking and chicken coop cleaning which I will be happy to do! We will wait patiently for God to line up the dates but until then our suitcases are packed and stored in the coach basement for easy readiness when He does finalize the dates.
While on this mini period of rest I have had a moment of panic. We have had a few bullets regarding the socialization of our kids…again. And again I had to retreat and re-evaluate what our journey is all about. And again I entertained the thought that we might be denying our kids opportunities. And again I was reminded that I am not suppose to raise my kids the way our culture says we are suppose to raise our kids. And again it has been confirmed that we have been called to travel and serve people. I, for a moment, thought it might be time to go home and settle down. But….just for a moment. Again, praise the Lord for His mercy in dealing with me gently. One day we will settle again, but not today, probably not even this year.
Gods timing has given us a chance to hibernate and energize. We needed to be caught in the habit of wintering out so that we could be reminded why we are doing what we are doing. The winter season is, as we know it, a quiet season. It is during these quiet seasons that we are to rest because God is hard at work. He has been hard at work preparing our path so that we can hit the ground running.
Final lesson learned. We are the Jennings. We are not bugs. We do things Gods way, not the worlds. Even learning these simple lessons is all part of Gods timing. Our culture has us trained to expect immediate action but God's culture requires us to be still, listen deeply and wait for His answer. Sometimes it takes a few months, sometimes it takes a few years, sometimes the answer is instant and sometimes the answer is not now. No matter how long Gods timing takes, Gods timing is always perfect and until He reveals some of these answers we will keep on keepin'on.
We have spent the last month hanging and rejuvenating. It is hard to break the cycle of habits. We have found ourselves in sunny Arizona but have also found ourselves in classic hibernation. We come from an area that has distinct seasons. With our migration to an area that does not have these same seasons we were a bit surprised to find that our body clocks still expect to experience seasons. Specifically, winter. Our mental process this last six weeks has been of people who retreat into their snowy dens waiting for the first signs of spring. We find ourselves slowly getting going in the morning and when we finally do we are pleasantly “surprised” by the sun shining bright. Every morning. Every morning we slowly get going and are surprised by the sun. Every morning. What is that about? It is a testimony to how our surroundings impact our core and we don’t even know it is happening. We are like the behavioral experiment of the bugs in the jar. Leave the lid on and watch them jump consistently into the lid only to find they can’t get out. Take the lid off and find that the same bugs can’t get out because of their mental training to respond to the limitations of their environment. Praise the Lord and His patience. We are done being bugs.
We are headed for New Mexico in April. Unless we end up with a spring contract, which could very well happen. But, for now we are headed to New Mexico to be part of Habitat for Humanity. We are officially signed on with a specific group of volunteers that travel the U.S. building houses for families. We have explored this avenue previously but only kept it in the back of our minds. The timing wasn’t right. The timing wasn’t God’s. We understand the details of some of the timing process but not all of the details so it isn’t really worth much discussion. The simple fact of the matter is the timing wasn’t right. In the past this has been Jeramie’s service ministry. He is the builder. We have already discussed in earlier posts that I am not the builder. However, it is my ministry as well in the simple fact that we are a family on the road to serve people so I am here to aid and assist my husband in any journey we venture on. Besides. I get to meet new people. And that makes me a happy servant.
People. I am happiest when I am around people. I LOVE meeting new people. In fact, my kids are completely in tune to my love to meet new people. We were in Starbucks the other day and I was having a conversation with another “new friend” a.k.a. the lady standing behind me, when I over heard my kids having their own conversation. “Mom made a new friend” Lexi shared with Andon, “I know. Mom makes new friends everywhere she goes” Andon piped back almost like it is a bit more of an annoyance than anything. It has begun. I officially irritate my kids in public. Don’t let them fool you though, I think they are secretly more irritated that they are not the ones having the conversation rather than having to stand by patiently. They are themselves giant people-people. I am a giant people person. It is who God made me to be. As I said earlier, Jeramie and I had been praying for a ministry to serve. Jeramie loves to build. He gets Habitat for Humanity. I love people. I get….
To go back to school? Yes friends and family, I am going back to school. I know, been there done that and now I am at home with my babies and why in the world do I want to go back to school? Why would I go back to school when I am not searching for a career? Because I want to explore this as a new ministry that God might have for me. I am going back to school for Massage Therapy. I am not going back to school to enhance my career. I am not even concerned if I ever earn any money for this service. I am not searching for a new skill set to prepare me for the work force and to be honest I don’t even really want to go to school at all. It gives me a reason to be one on one with people, specifically, women. It gives me an avenue to create relationships with women. It has been put on my heart to offer this service to women that I meet, other moms who need a little catering to, other women who need the chance to relax for just a moment and breathe. And it is something that will complement my husbands ministry. I wanted to go to school for it back before I met Jeramie and the timing wasn’t right. I have always held it in the back of my mind. You know, the “I have always wanted to do that” thought. Not the “I have always wanted to do that” thought that consumes you. This thought doesn’t even own any mental real estate on a very frequent level. But it has always been there.
We also hope to take part in a program that exchanges volunteer work on an organic farm for “housing” or in our case a place to stop the RV. It will give us the perfect experience for tangible practice of all of the plant life science that we have been learning in school lately. What an amazing experience to grow, cultivate and be surrounded by God’s creation. Oh, and we get to eat some of it to. I am a little excited. We aren’t exactly sure when that will manifest because we are planning only a few weeks out at a time (since our work gives us only 48 hours to arrive to our deployed destination) but it is on the list for sometime. The sometime is up to God and we are good with that. Because when God says now, than now will be the right time.
We have also penciled in a mission trip of service to Colombia. Our dates are fuzzy but to miss out on the opportunity to serve widows and orphans would be a severe dis-service to God, the remnants of these families, our friends and ourselves. Our dear friends back in Central Oregon have been called to serve in Colombia with their beautiful family of seven along with another entire family to organize, plant, manage and serve in an orphanage. Check out their blog at ColombiaGraceFoundation.blogspot.com. Stacy has assigned me 5 am goat milking and chicken coop cleaning which I will be happy to do! We will wait patiently for God to line up the dates but until then our suitcases are packed and stored in the coach basement for easy readiness when He does finalize the dates.
While on this mini period of rest I have had a moment of panic. We have had a few bullets regarding the socialization of our kids…again. And again I had to retreat and re-evaluate what our journey is all about. And again I entertained the thought that we might be denying our kids opportunities. And again I was reminded that I am not suppose to raise my kids the way our culture says we are suppose to raise our kids. And again it has been confirmed that we have been called to travel and serve people. I, for a moment, thought it might be time to go home and settle down. But….just for a moment. Again, praise the Lord for His mercy in dealing with me gently. One day we will settle again, but not today, probably not even this year.
Gods timing has given us a chance to hibernate and energize. We needed to be caught in the habit of wintering out so that we could be reminded why we are doing what we are doing. The winter season is, as we know it, a quiet season. It is during these quiet seasons that we are to rest because God is hard at work. He has been hard at work preparing our path so that we can hit the ground running.
Final lesson learned. We are the Jennings. We are not bugs. We do things Gods way, not the worlds. Even learning these simple lessons is all part of Gods timing. Our culture has us trained to expect immediate action but God's culture requires us to be still, listen deeply and wait for His answer. Sometimes it takes a few months, sometimes it takes a few years, sometimes the answer is instant and sometimes the answer is not now. No matter how long Gods timing takes, Gods timing is always perfect and until He reveals some of these answers we will keep on keepin'on.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
didn't see that one coming
So here we are. Soaking up enviable weather in Southern Arizona. We left Texas a few weeks ago and the drive from there to here felt like the longest road trip of any of our travels. East Texas is not the prettiest and we went through another state they call "New Mexico" but I don't remember much of it. It is suppose to be the Land of Enchantment so maybe that has something to do with my inability to retain something of substance about it. God enchanted my memories right out of my head in case I ever need to make the trip again. You know, kinda like child birth.
While we were in Texas I had a trial of isolation and detachment from people, family and fellowship. There were many people there but their availability to socialize was foreign to me. We had a heck of a time finding a true bible teaching church and actually, we never did. We still went but never could get connected. I was dying socially. I enjoyed Texas but I was not sad to move on. However, once again right before we left we got to know probably the person we were suppose to meet while we were there. This is gonna sound terrible but neither Jeramie or I can remember his name. That wouldn't be so bad except he was our immediate next door neighbor for 2 1/2 months.
Since we don't know his name we will call him "Bill". Bill is a single guy probably about 65 or 70. He lives by himself in his coach in the same RV slip in the same RV park for the last 5 years. He has a few toys that are well taken care of and you can see he has put a bit of money and alot of sweat into them. This is all no big deal except I couldn't help but wonder where his family was. The entire time we were there we never saw a single person visit him and though he left, he was never gone long enough to constitute the impression of a family visit. Jeramie visited with him more than I had and I never was able to get a satisfactory answer to my question so I decided I wasn't suppose to know. We shared our Thanksgiving dinner with him and than again at Christmas sent over some more holiday treats. He was thankful, I think, although he never actually said thank you. In fact, the second time we brought him something he barely opened the door to his motorhome much like an unsocial recluse. He had all of the lights off and all I could see was a silhouette as he reached his hand out to take the plate. I reminded myself I wasn't there really to visit as it was one of the colder days we spent in Texas after all. Our interaction went on like this for about a month and a half. Not much was exchanged but not much was uncomfortable either. Than I was out finishing my run and he started talking. I was a bit pre-occupied with my ipod so I had to re-adjust my focus because I didn't see the potential conversation coming. Once he started it was very difficult to get him to stop. And it was then that I got the low down.
Bill has actually been married twice with also a common-law wife to claim as well. His most recent common-law wife died a few years ago. He talked of nothing but good things about her. Her name was Lorraine. I can remember that but I can't remember "Bills" name and I cannot figure out why. He has two children, a boy and a girl that I assume are quite a bit older than myself. Both kids he hasn't talked to since the early '80's. He has a few grandchildren but doesn't know them and I got the feeling that he doesn't even know their names. To me this was a very sad story. He is all alone. He does have some siblings in another state and he did say he was thinking this might be his last winter in Texas and that he might head to Utah this next spring. It was apparent that he is beginning to realize that he is all alone. I was really bothered that he was all alone. I didn't feel the kind of "poor guy" feeling that one has when they feel sorry for a stray puppy but the kind of "poor guy" sympathy that hurts for someone when all you can do is look from the outside perspective in and know that they are living out the consequences of choices from earlier in life. Then I had to start evaluating how this happens. How does it get so bad that forgiveness cannot be found. I can think of a few but since I don't know the entire story I also cannot assume that he has done some very wrong things that has him alienated from his family. We weren't suppose to fix his problems. We weren't suppose to share the Gospel with him. We weren't even suppose to get to know him that well. We were only suppose to love on him as we were asked to by God. It is hard not to think that he might be one of the lost that has been left to his own choices in life and hardened by the world. The very difficult thing to grasp with our experience with Bill is that maybe we were only suppose to help make his time here on Earth just a little more gentle because without Christ, this is the best its going to get for him.
It might seem odd that we weren't suppose to share the truth with Bill but it isn't really when you know that your mouth and tongue have been shut in a super-natural way by the Holy Spirit himself. Than it is really fascinating when you think you should say something to someone specific but literally cannot and suddenly out of now where you are doing laundry with a random stranger and words just start coming out in ways you never saw coming and suddenly stop just like a water faucet turning on and off and they are all words about proclaiming my Christianity and salvation and all neatly fit in between "what brought you to Texas" and "where are you headed next". That my friends is a wild experience!
After all of my social starvation in Texas I was super stoked to find all of the amazing resources I had been craving in Southern Arizona. We instantly found a church, the RV resort we are staying at offers two separate bible studies and the sun ALWAYS shines! This time I was reminded again to be careful of what you wish for. The last time we expressed our desire to obey we ended up in a motorhome longterm. This time I am being forced to learn apologetics of my faith in a way I never new was possible. We started out on this journey thinking that we would be witnessing to non-believers. And we have, but this time around I am being challenged with false doctrine. I had no idea that the truth of the Gospel could get so twisted around in the ever so slightest way. It had started making me question myself in my understanding but I was quickly confirmed and edified by trusted teachers and the Holy Spirit through the straight up bible itself. This first few weeks in Arizona have been challenging both emotionally and spiritually. But I am up for the molding and chipping away that God seems to think is necessary. It is uncomfortable but reasonable and enlightening and I am submitted to the fact that it is all part of Him equipping us for whatever is next.
This winter has been hugely challenging in ways neither one of us imagined. There has been some serious spiritual house cleaning and redecorating all for what we think is preparation of asking the great question of "whats next?". However we are finding out that its actually bringing us to a place of readiness for the answer that often does not come in a gentle tug but rather in an Elijah with fire and chariots kind of way because the thing we have learned with being obedient Christians is this, you end up saying "wow! didn't see that one coming" alot.
While we were in Texas I had a trial of isolation and detachment from people, family and fellowship. There were many people there but their availability to socialize was foreign to me. We had a heck of a time finding a true bible teaching church and actually, we never did. We still went but never could get connected. I was dying socially. I enjoyed Texas but I was not sad to move on. However, once again right before we left we got to know probably the person we were suppose to meet while we were there. This is gonna sound terrible but neither Jeramie or I can remember his name. That wouldn't be so bad except he was our immediate next door neighbor for 2 1/2 months.
Since we don't know his name we will call him "Bill". Bill is a single guy probably about 65 or 70. He lives by himself in his coach in the same RV slip in the same RV park for the last 5 years. He has a few toys that are well taken care of and you can see he has put a bit of money and alot of sweat into them. This is all no big deal except I couldn't help but wonder where his family was. The entire time we were there we never saw a single person visit him and though he left, he was never gone long enough to constitute the impression of a family visit. Jeramie visited with him more than I had and I never was able to get a satisfactory answer to my question so I decided I wasn't suppose to know. We shared our Thanksgiving dinner with him and than again at Christmas sent over some more holiday treats. He was thankful, I think, although he never actually said thank you. In fact, the second time we brought him something he barely opened the door to his motorhome much like an unsocial recluse. He had all of the lights off and all I could see was a silhouette as he reached his hand out to take the plate. I reminded myself I wasn't there really to visit as it was one of the colder days we spent in Texas after all. Our interaction went on like this for about a month and a half. Not much was exchanged but not much was uncomfortable either. Than I was out finishing my run and he started talking. I was a bit pre-occupied with my ipod so I had to re-adjust my focus because I didn't see the potential conversation coming. Once he started it was very difficult to get him to stop. And it was then that I got the low down.
Bill has actually been married twice with also a common-law wife to claim as well. His most recent common-law wife died a few years ago. He talked of nothing but good things about her. Her name was Lorraine. I can remember that but I can't remember "Bills" name and I cannot figure out why. He has two children, a boy and a girl that I assume are quite a bit older than myself. Both kids he hasn't talked to since the early '80's. He has a few grandchildren but doesn't know them and I got the feeling that he doesn't even know their names. To me this was a very sad story. He is all alone. He does have some siblings in another state and he did say he was thinking this might be his last winter in Texas and that he might head to Utah this next spring. It was apparent that he is beginning to realize that he is all alone. I was really bothered that he was all alone. I didn't feel the kind of "poor guy" feeling that one has when they feel sorry for a stray puppy but the kind of "poor guy" sympathy that hurts for someone when all you can do is look from the outside perspective in and know that they are living out the consequences of choices from earlier in life. Then I had to start evaluating how this happens. How does it get so bad that forgiveness cannot be found. I can think of a few but since I don't know the entire story I also cannot assume that he has done some very wrong things that has him alienated from his family. We weren't suppose to fix his problems. We weren't suppose to share the Gospel with him. We weren't even suppose to get to know him that well. We were only suppose to love on him as we were asked to by God. It is hard not to think that he might be one of the lost that has been left to his own choices in life and hardened by the world. The very difficult thing to grasp with our experience with Bill is that maybe we were only suppose to help make his time here on Earth just a little more gentle because without Christ, this is the best its going to get for him.
It might seem odd that we weren't suppose to share the truth with Bill but it isn't really when you know that your mouth and tongue have been shut in a super-natural way by the Holy Spirit himself. Than it is really fascinating when you think you should say something to someone specific but literally cannot and suddenly out of now where you are doing laundry with a random stranger and words just start coming out in ways you never saw coming and suddenly stop just like a water faucet turning on and off and they are all words about proclaiming my Christianity and salvation and all neatly fit in between "what brought you to Texas" and "where are you headed next". That my friends is a wild experience!
After all of my social starvation in Texas I was super stoked to find all of the amazing resources I had been craving in Southern Arizona. We instantly found a church, the RV resort we are staying at offers two separate bible studies and the sun ALWAYS shines! This time I was reminded again to be careful of what you wish for. The last time we expressed our desire to obey we ended up in a motorhome longterm. This time I am being forced to learn apologetics of my faith in a way I never new was possible. We started out on this journey thinking that we would be witnessing to non-believers. And we have, but this time around I am being challenged with false doctrine. I had no idea that the truth of the Gospel could get so twisted around in the ever so slightest way. It had started making me question myself in my understanding but I was quickly confirmed and edified by trusted teachers and the Holy Spirit through the straight up bible itself. This first few weeks in Arizona have been challenging both emotionally and spiritually. But I am up for the molding and chipping away that God seems to think is necessary. It is uncomfortable but reasonable and enlightening and I am submitted to the fact that it is all part of Him equipping us for whatever is next.
This winter has been hugely challenging in ways neither one of us imagined. There has been some serious spiritual house cleaning and redecorating all for what we think is preparation of asking the great question of "whats next?". However we are finding out that its actually bringing us to a place of readiness for the answer that often does not come in a gentle tug but rather in an Elijah with fire and chariots kind of way because the thing we have learned with being obedient Christians is this, you end up saying "wow! didn't see that one coming" alot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)