It's not about me

NO words... That is my only excuse for this great lapse in posting. I have had no words.

I haven't written because as I said, I haven't felt like I have had words to write. It didn't seem like much of anything was happening while we were living in the sleepy little town but looking back I realized that I had been sharing little stories of little adventures with others and some were missing out. So, in essence, it's not about me or for me to decide what is worthy of sharing. We aren't rolling down the road right now, but the adventures are still happening.

Miles City was a very charming, small and quiet city. It didn't take me long to find a church family, start some new friendships and want to be a part of the community. I connected with some awesome people who are genuine and honest. However, despite the cities relaxed nature, it is still very isolated. Isolated from the rest of Montana and isolated from the rest of the world. There really isn't much to do on the eastern side of the state except fish and we aren't much on fishing. Well, Jeramie is, he likes to fly fish but my experience (yes, singular, a one time event) was boring and drowsy and I am confident that I am not missing out on much by not taking up the sport. The most frequent comment from many life time residents was "if I wasn't born and raised here, I wouldn't be here, all there is to do is drink...and fish". Since we don't do either we found ourselves with limited extracurricular options. But the people...I met some of the greatest, friendly people. And I got to live through the closest thing to a tornado that our family has ever seen, in a motor home in the middle of a field a.k.a. eastern Montana RV park.

In the summer the weather is amazing during the day. I seriously could not have lived out the summer in better weather...during the day. At night it rains and storms. It seemed like every night, at the same time, there would be a Tornado warning for eastern Montana, Custer County. That's us. The smaller trees in the area would bend sideways in the wind. They were only about 8 to 10 feet tall and have 3 to 4 inch diameter bases but when you see them almost parallel to the ground you have to wonder why we hadn't flown away like the other flying debris we would find in the morning. And, then, I almost did.

Jeramie had been called to work in the early evening, it was still beautiful, the awning was out, the kids were out, the sun was out. He had been home for the storm the night before and wondered before he left if he should put the awning up for the night. He didn't. It was so calm and sunny that it was hard to believe that the weather was as temperamental as it is. The next morning, bright and early, the wind started to move. And so did the RV. I couldn't figure out why we hadn't moved much in the last couple of storms but this time the dishes were rattling. I haven't ever experienced tornadoes. They don't happen where I come from. But I have done all of the necessary research. I watched the Wizard of Oz every year as a kid. What more is there to know.

I was trying to make myself some coffee and realized that I could not see our awning outside the kitchen window. Uh. OK. If I can't see it, where is it? I honestly contemplated ignorance and briefly decided that if it was gone when the wind stopped that I would go find it and was OK with the possible cost of the damages to the awning and the arms they connect to but all I could envision was a car driving along the street beside the RV park being wrapped in a giant blue and white tarp like thing, having it veer off through the high end car dealership wiping out all the cars all the while the Allstate mass mayhem character covered in his band aids is smiling at me. I put my coffee pot down and put on my shoes. I was going to make this quick so I didn't bother actually getting dressed.

I barely opened the door and it blew out of my hand and slammed against the wall. I leaped outside and slammed the door shut, looked up and located our awning. it was thankfully still attached but the wind was so massive that it was lifting it straight in the air like a true sail and slamming it back down. I quickly realized that this might take a while and that I was also under dressed for the event. I had never opened or closed the awning by myself so I actually had no idea what I was doing. I stood for a minute trying to dissect the mechanics of it and then took another minute to time the wind gusts. The arms never did come down low enough to grab so I had to find the ladder. I got that under control, climbed it and latched onto an arm...it was the beginning of the end. it shot into the air, and I went with it, up and down, up and down. The Whole time I am trying to time unlocking it when it was in a position of least resistance. I would get an 1/2 inch and then have to run to the other side and gain a 1/2 inch and back again the whole time trying to beat the wind because every time I got down the wind would take away my progress. Finally, one arm was unlocked and slammed to the base. But that second one was not going to budge. I fought that thing for 1/2 an hour and finally, threw my hands up and prayed, "Lord, I cannot do this, for the safety of others and the safety of our equipment unlock this for Me!" I climbed the ladder for one last futile attempt and with a gentle click, no effort involved against all the power of the wind, it released and slide to the base, rolled up (almost) on its own and that was that. It didn't look pretty and it wasn't exactly properly put away, in fact it looked terribly mangled but it was safe and not broken. I fought my way inside, threw myself on the floor and laid there. I was soaking with sweat, my jammies stuck to my sides, sore all over and amazed at what had just happened. I looked up from my supine position to see six eyes staring down at me. "Mom, where have you been?" "trying to put the awning away" "oh...whens breakfast?" "in a few minutes... I just...need to...lay here...for a minute". They had no concern for their tattered mother, just their hungry bellies. The morning was obviously not about me, but rather their needs. That night, in the dark of a clear and calm black sky, with the light of the RV park showcasing my adventure, Jeramie came home. "WHAT did you do to the awning, you couldn't have waited for me to put it away? I could see it all the way from the Haynes (a main street a few blocks away)" I smiled at him and gave a little giggle "No. IT couldn't wait for you to put it away. I was happy to, but it wasn't." He could be frustrated all he wanted, I joyfully didn't care because once again, it wasn't about me. That storm resulted in a rancher being struck off his horse by lightning while out moving cattle and he died. All I suffered was a good workout.

We aren't in Montana anymore but I will save the story of that for another post. Today, I just want to marinate in the power of God, share the power of God and giggle about my misguided belief that I can go toe to toe with the power of God. I firmly believe that God put up the awning for me and I will go to my grave (or to the rapture)knowing that. In that moment, I was so completely insignificant but so completely important. In that moment it was just me and God. In that moment it wasn't about me, it was about God. In that moment I was given a small taste of how much bigger God is than myself. In that moment, I was given the gift of a true life tangible experience of what it feels like to fight God. In that moment I was glaringly aware of my inadequacy. But most of all, in that moment, I was empowered to do all things through Christ who strengthens me including fighting a storm and putting it aside to still serve others. It was not an experience of death, or cancer or sickness but it was the experience God had for me and because of that I will cherish that tornado remnant always. I am pretty sure I can live without another storm like that, but, that one.. that one was special.