Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Giving God my seconds

I did it. I submitted to the pressure. I have done it kicking and screaming. But I couldn't take it any longer. This is not your regular social pressure one gets to feel in passing from someone who disapproves. The kind that gets you a little ticked and makes you replay conversations in your mind all day long. In fact, this pressure was very light and gentle. However, one thing is for sure, it doesn't take much pressure for God to get my attention anymore.

I learned a long time ago that when God marks the spot and says "here, I want you here" I am suppose to just show up. Regardless of what my agenda is or what I have on my calendar. Show up. I may not like it but that is it and that is all. Just show up.

There is a small, green sign on one of the main streets in Aberdeen. "Aberdeen Christian School" with an arrow. It is not the sign for the building. It is a street sign offering direction for turning toward the destination. It is of the size that once you become a local it can easily become a fixture that one can no longer see. That has not been the case for me. Every time I pass it it jumps out like a large flashing alarm indicator. I couldn't ignore it any longer...

Our family loves our homeschooling life. Our kids do very well with our lifestyle and are successful in their academics. Really, there is no reason to change things. I mean if its not broken, why fix it? Because it doesn't have to be broken for God to require change. We checked out the school, knew it was right, and enrolled. I kept looking for reasons to back out. I had plenty but they didn't compare to the peace I felt when I prayed for confirmation. I still didn't know why we were directed to do this, we were just obediently showing up.

I have been taking part in a book study through the church we are attending. I have already read the book once but have never dissected it in a group setting. We recently dug into what it means to give God our seconds. We discussed tithing and donations but I separated myself from material things long ago. I will give everything I own in a heart beat if that is what God asks me to do. But my kids. Don't mess with my kids. These are my kids and to be honest, there are not many people that I trust with my kids. Long story short, God convicted me to understanding that by not trusting others with my kids, I was in fact not trusting God to protect and take care of my kids. And in my focus of preserving my kids, my vision became clouded to areas that weren't getting the correct portion of my attention. By giving my kids what looked like everything I have I was actually giving God my seconds. I was trusting God with my kids when my kids were in my supervision. I was not trusting God when my kids were not in my supervision. I was willing to give my worldly possessions to God or his people, I was not willing to give him what really matters...my kids. By offering everything I have that belongs to this world and not surrendering what already belongs to him, I was giving him my seconds.

The first day Andon was gone, I watched the clock. The first day Andon was gone, I had less to focus on. The first day Andon was gone I realized that I was so focused on providing him with such a stellar education that I was dropping the ball in elements of Addi's discipline. She was getting my seconds. I was jipping God twice. I wasn't trusting him with the most important things and I wasn't doing a very good job of raising a disciplined and lovely daughter. In my defense she is our most strong willed child. I know I can hang on to that all I want but it doesn't change the point that I was missing it.

The day ended and it came time to pick him up. I had my lesson and learned it well. I thought. He enjoyed it and proved to me he was ready to expand his world and experience some independence. And I soon remembered the words of my sweet friend Rachel whom I left back in Montana "you can either insulate or isolate". The context of this statement is to never forget that we are to raise Godly young people to send out into the world to be used by God. My job as a parent is to keep sensitive to the maturity of each child and discernment of right timing.

As of today, for Andon, the time is right. That doesn't mean he gets to go home with just anyone and that doesn't mean that there won't be a time to homeschool again.

As of today, for me, the time is right. It is time for me to stop giving God my left overs and not only surrender my stuff but surrender my family. I will probably always deal with this but by the grace of God maybe today a small bit has been chipped away.

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