I did it. I submitted to the pressure. I have done it kicking and screaming. But I couldn't take it any longer. This is not your regular social pressure one gets to feel in passing from someone who disapproves. The kind that gets you a little ticked and makes you replay conversations in your mind all day long. In fact, this pressure was very light and gentle. However, one thing is for sure, it doesn't take much pressure for God to get my attention anymore.
I learned a long time ago that when God marks the spot and says "here, I want you here" I am suppose to just show up. Regardless of what my agenda is or what I have on my calendar. Show up. I may not like it but that is it and that is all. Just show up.
There is a small, green sign on one of the main streets in Aberdeen. "Aberdeen Christian School" with an arrow. It is not the sign for the building. It is a street sign offering direction for turning toward the destination. It is of the size that once you become a local it can easily become a fixture that one can no longer see. That has not been the case for me. Every time I pass it it jumps out like a large flashing alarm indicator. I couldn't ignore it any longer...
Our family loves our homeschooling life. Our kids do very well with our lifestyle and are successful in their academics. Really, there is no reason to change things. I mean if its not broken, why fix it? Because it doesn't have to be broken for God to require change. We checked out the school, knew it was right, and enrolled. I kept looking for reasons to back out. I had plenty but they didn't compare to the peace I felt when I prayed for confirmation. I still didn't know why we were directed to do this, we were just obediently showing up.
I have been taking part in a book study through the church we are attending. I have already read the book once but have never dissected it in a group setting. We recently dug into what it means to give God our seconds. We discussed tithing and donations but I separated myself from material things long ago. I will give everything I own in a heart beat if that is what God asks me to do. But my kids. Don't mess with my kids. These are my kids and to be honest, there are not many people that I trust with my kids. Long story short, God convicted me to understanding that by not trusting others with my kids, I was in fact not trusting God to protect and take care of my kids. And in my focus of preserving my kids, my vision became clouded to areas that weren't getting the correct portion of my attention. By giving my kids what looked like everything I have I was actually giving God my seconds. I was trusting God with my kids when my kids were in my supervision. I was not trusting God when my kids were not in my supervision. I was willing to give my worldly possessions to God or his people, I was not willing to give him what really matters...my kids. By offering everything I have that belongs to this world and not surrendering what already belongs to him, I was giving him my seconds.
The first day Andon was gone, I watched the clock. The first day Andon was gone, I had less to focus on. The first day Andon was gone I realized that I was so focused on providing him with such a stellar education that I was dropping the ball in elements of Addi's discipline. She was getting my seconds. I was jipping God twice. I wasn't trusting him with the most important things and I wasn't doing a very good job of raising a disciplined and lovely daughter. In my defense she is our most strong willed child. I know I can hang on to that all I want but it doesn't change the point that I was missing it.
The day ended and it came time to pick him up. I had my lesson and learned it well. I thought. He enjoyed it and proved to me he was ready to expand his world and experience some independence. And I soon remembered the words of my sweet friend Rachel whom I left back in Montana "you can either insulate or isolate". The context of this statement is to never forget that we are to raise Godly young people to send out into the world to be used by God. My job as a parent is to keep sensitive to the maturity of each child and discernment of right timing.
As of today, for Andon, the time is right. That doesn't mean he gets to go home with just anyone and that doesn't mean that there won't be a time to homeschool again.
As of today, for me, the time is right. It is time for me to stop giving God my left overs and not only surrender my stuff but surrender my family. I will probably always deal with this but by the grace of God maybe today a small bit has been chipped away.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Crazy Love
I have been participating in a book study through the church we have been attending since getting settled in Aberdeen.
We are going over "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. This book is special to Jeramie and I, not so much because it was life changing like it has been for so many, but because it was life affirming. We had been convicted by God to examine what Jesus really taught in the gospels but along with other tools, Crazy Love came along and confirmed our understanding.
For some reason I feel like I should open another window into the soul of our family and this seemed like a good method to do that. I have decided to share some of the study questions along with our response to them. We will continue to post updates of our journey but right now this is the journey we are on.
If you haven't already read this book, I invite you to start reading it and come along with me as you read my posts. Maybe we can grow together and your comments are greatly encouraged!
Click the link to my personal journal on this page "The sanctification of a christian woman" for a view of how God is changing me.
We are going over "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. This book is special to Jeramie and I, not so much because it was life changing like it has been for so many, but because it was life affirming. We had been convicted by God to examine what Jesus really taught in the gospels but along with other tools, Crazy Love came along and confirmed our understanding.
For some reason I feel like I should open another window into the soul of our family and this seemed like a good method to do that. I have decided to share some of the study questions along with our response to them. We will continue to post updates of our journey but right now this is the journey we are on.
If you haven't already read this book, I invite you to start reading it and come along with me as you read my posts. Maybe we can grow together and your comments are greatly encouraged!
Click the link to my personal journal on this page "The sanctification of a christian woman" for a view of how God is changing me.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Dacotah Territory. Aberdeen, South Dakota to be specific. We have left sleepy eastern Montana and headed for colder weather. Aberdeen's heritage is very much Norwegian, Scottish, and Irish descendents. Once I learned that the accent made total sense. It is an Americanized version of that Northern region. It is about 25,000 people and hosts 2 university's as well as a technical school. It has a Wal-mart, Target, Shopko AND K-mart, two huge hospital systems and a conservative overtone that is very much spawned from the heavy Catholic tradition that was established back when the town was. L. Frank Baum was from Aberdeen. Oh come on! Everyone knows who L. Frank Baum is. Right? Um, no. Sorry, who is L. Frank Baum? Try this, "The Wizard of Oz". Oh, whoa! Thats kind of cool. The town has a great park that honors him with a life size land with all of the details so you can make the journey with the characters from the book. Way fun for the kids. Why are we in South Dakota you might ask? And how long are you going to be there? The easy answer? Following the yellow brick road. As for a timeline, we learned many things on this journey, one of which is we cannot plan anything. As for today, we are in Aberdeen and as far as I can see, we will be here tomorrow.
We are just following the yellow brick road. Like Dorothy, we never know who we are going to meet, what section of life we are entering (forest or corn field) and I know for sure that we are chasing after a paradise that we have heard about but can only imagine what it actually looks like and I am determined to get there because the great ruler who dwells there is the only one who can save me. I decided it was a good visual to describe what it is like to live by faith. Oh yeah, and God did use a "tornado" to get us on the path. It looked more like a failed business and a conviction of lifestyle but it was still a "tornado". And we had no idea where we were going to land. The traveling joke was "wonder which state will be old Myra's last (our old dog)"...she landed in Arizona. We landed in South Dakota? Yep, Aberdeen, South Dakota.
When we first learned that South Dakota was a potential landing zone I had to think that one out for a bit. Is South Dakota actually a real state? I learned about it in, like, the 4th grade or something and never gave it another thought. It was not on our list of must stop places during our travels. There is a north and a south, right? As my sister-in-law asked "which one is that, the good one or the bad one"? I have no idea. I have never been there, it has never been on my radar. My biggest educational resource was "Little house on the prairie" sprinkled with a little bit of the movie "Fargo".
All summer, while still in Montana, there had been rumors on the rail about Jeramie's class being forced to transfer to other depots. One of which was Aberdeen. Jeramie had drawn a high seniority number which meant that we were probably not going to have to leave. They would pull from the bottom of the seniority list and work up. Besides, there were rumors about many things so filtering out which ones might gain some traction and which ones wouldn't wasted unnecessary energy. Knowing that if we were to be transferred was actually beyond our knowing, we made decisions for where we were at "today" in that moment.
We rented a house, started buying furniture and getting settled. The rental market was limited and moved fast. We had people praying for a house to come along. We ended up with a big house. We learned very fast after living in a small space that what looked ideal was in fact not. It was too much house. Space that went unused. Space that still needed cleaned and space that looked sad because it was empty with out furnishings. But it was the house we were suppose to be in because if we hadn't we wouldn't have met Katie. I was suppose to know Katie. I will not share stories about Katie on the world wide web but I know that God had that house planned out for us long before we got there. Just know that Katie has a special spot in my heart.
It didn't take me long to find a church to get involved in. I started praying for that long before we left for Montana. "Lord, I ask that we will know intuitively where we are suppose to be, where you would have us" was my prayer. We tried a couple churches. We walked into a third one and I knew, I knew the minute we walked in that I was suppose to be there. I didn't know why, and I didn't know if it was suppose to be our home church but I knew I was suppose to know someone there. I met lots of "someone's" there. I got to really know these "someone's" and I miss them terribly. They were the one reason I struggled with boldly moving forward toward Aberdeen. I would have to leave them behind.
But since I am following the yellow brick road I knew better then to let that hold me back because what I really was saying was "I don't want to God, I am really starting to dig Montana and Aberdeen doesn't make any sense". Then I remembered, when Jeramie had been offered a chance to test for his job we were given the choice of Forsyth or Aberdeen and we chose Montana because it was closer to the family. I couldn't help but toss around the idea that maybe it had been Aberdeen the whole time and God allowed us Montana as a stepping stone.
Then it happened. I got a text. "Minot or Aberdeen?" Wow! This wasn't just a rumor after all. His class was all gathered together for a final week of studying when their instructor told them "decide amongst yourselves or we will decide for you". It turned out that the guys at the top of the seniority list were all from out of state. The guys at the bottom were mostly all from Montana. The guys at the bottom were the ones who would be forced to leave. Instead, the guys at the top, including Jeramie, decided to transfer out. I don't know the details of reasoning for anyone else other then ourselves but we didn't have any ties there. It was hard to know that someone who did have roots there would have to leave when they didn't want to. A week later we were loaded up in the RV once again and excited for what waited for us in Aberdeen. This time we had a new challenge. BNSF was putting us up in a hotel for 60 days allowing us time to find housing. Wintering out in the RV wasn't an option. Like I said, I read Laura Ingells Wilder's book "The Long Winter" and I knew good and well this wasn't our beloved Arizona. Jeramie wanted to embrace the free housing for as long as possible. Its official, we have lived in big houses, little houses, an RV, in Walmarts parking lot, in a rest stop, in a truck stop, in RV parks, in my parents drive-way and now a hotel room. Since we have found housing, we can add someones basement to the list as well.
Someone asked me last night why we were in Aberdeen. "God" I said. That is the only thing I know. Jeramie's job was the tool that got us here but it was God who moved us. It has been a blessed move. Aberdeen is a bit bigger than Miles City, seems a little more family friendly with a more vibrant and youthful atmosphere. It offers an abundance of children's activities that were not available in our area of Montana so our schedule is busier buts thats OK because it is filled with things that are helping my kids learn about themselves. However, all that aside, we are still waiting for God to reveal his use for us in Aberdeen. Like I said before, we are just following the yellow brick road. The thing we have learned is that it is when we are following the yellow brick road that we are most empowered to experience Gods plan. And there is nothing more amazing or exciting then experiencing God's plan.
We are just following the yellow brick road. Like Dorothy, we never know who we are going to meet, what section of life we are entering (forest or corn field) and I know for sure that we are chasing after a paradise that we have heard about but can only imagine what it actually looks like and I am determined to get there because the great ruler who dwells there is the only one who can save me. I decided it was a good visual to describe what it is like to live by faith. Oh yeah, and God did use a "tornado" to get us on the path. It looked more like a failed business and a conviction of lifestyle but it was still a "tornado". And we had no idea where we were going to land. The traveling joke was "wonder which state will be old Myra's last (our old dog)"...she landed in Arizona. We landed in South Dakota? Yep, Aberdeen, South Dakota.
When we first learned that South Dakota was a potential landing zone I had to think that one out for a bit. Is South Dakota actually a real state? I learned about it in, like, the 4th grade or something and never gave it another thought. It was not on our list of must stop places during our travels. There is a north and a south, right? As my sister-in-law asked "which one is that, the good one or the bad one"? I have no idea. I have never been there, it has never been on my radar. My biggest educational resource was "Little house on the prairie" sprinkled with a little bit of the movie "Fargo".
All summer, while still in Montana, there had been rumors on the rail about Jeramie's class being forced to transfer to other depots. One of which was Aberdeen. Jeramie had drawn a high seniority number which meant that we were probably not going to have to leave. They would pull from the bottom of the seniority list and work up. Besides, there were rumors about many things so filtering out which ones might gain some traction and which ones wouldn't wasted unnecessary energy. Knowing that if we were to be transferred was actually beyond our knowing, we made decisions for where we were at "today" in that moment.
We rented a house, started buying furniture and getting settled. The rental market was limited and moved fast. We had people praying for a house to come along. We ended up with a big house. We learned very fast after living in a small space that what looked ideal was in fact not. It was too much house. Space that went unused. Space that still needed cleaned and space that looked sad because it was empty with out furnishings. But it was the house we were suppose to be in because if we hadn't we wouldn't have met Katie. I was suppose to know Katie. I will not share stories about Katie on the world wide web but I know that God had that house planned out for us long before we got there. Just know that Katie has a special spot in my heart.
It didn't take me long to find a church to get involved in. I started praying for that long before we left for Montana. "Lord, I ask that we will know intuitively where we are suppose to be, where you would have us" was my prayer. We tried a couple churches. We walked into a third one and I knew, I knew the minute we walked in that I was suppose to be there. I didn't know why, and I didn't know if it was suppose to be our home church but I knew I was suppose to know someone there. I met lots of "someone's" there. I got to really know these "someone's" and I miss them terribly. They were the one reason I struggled with boldly moving forward toward Aberdeen. I would have to leave them behind.
But since I am following the yellow brick road I knew better then to let that hold me back because what I really was saying was "I don't want to God, I am really starting to dig Montana and Aberdeen doesn't make any sense". Then I remembered, when Jeramie had been offered a chance to test for his job we were given the choice of Forsyth or Aberdeen and we chose Montana because it was closer to the family. I couldn't help but toss around the idea that maybe it had been Aberdeen the whole time and God allowed us Montana as a stepping stone.
Then it happened. I got a text. "Minot or Aberdeen?" Wow! This wasn't just a rumor after all. His class was all gathered together for a final week of studying when their instructor told them "decide amongst yourselves or we will decide for you". It turned out that the guys at the top of the seniority list were all from out of state. The guys at the bottom were mostly all from Montana. The guys at the bottom were the ones who would be forced to leave. Instead, the guys at the top, including Jeramie, decided to transfer out. I don't know the details of reasoning for anyone else other then ourselves but we didn't have any ties there. It was hard to know that someone who did have roots there would have to leave when they didn't want to. A week later we were loaded up in the RV once again and excited for what waited for us in Aberdeen. This time we had a new challenge. BNSF was putting us up in a hotel for 60 days allowing us time to find housing. Wintering out in the RV wasn't an option. Like I said, I read Laura Ingells Wilder's book "The Long Winter" and I knew good and well this wasn't our beloved Arizona. Jeramie wanted to embrace the free housing for as long as possible. Its official, we have lived in big houses, little houses, an RV, in Walmarts parking lot, in a rest stop, in a truck stop, in RV parks, in my parents drive-way and now a hotel room. Since we have found housing, we can add someones basement to the list as well.
Someone asked me last night why we were in Aberdeen. "God" I said. That is the only thing I know. Jeramie's job was the tool that got us here but it was God who moved us. It has been a blessed move. Aberdeen is a bit bigger than Miles City, seems a little more family friendly with a more vibrant and youthful atmosphere. It offers an abundance of children's activities that were not available in our area of Montana so our schedule is busier buts thats OK because it is filled with things that are helping my kids learn about themselves. However, all that aside, we are still waiting for God to reveal his use for us in Aberdeen. Like I said before, we are just following the yellow brick road. The thing we have learned is that it is when we are following the yellow brick road that we are most empowered to experience Gods plan. And there is nothing more amazing or exciting then experiencing God's plan.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Send us a post card
Today is bittersweet. Not alot of story telling this time around. Don't really have it in me today...
Last night we said "So Long" to our beloved traveling home on wheels. It has officially found a new home.
We knew it had to go. This new job isn't going to allow for much time off to spend traveling the road at our leisure. We knew it couldn't just sit indefinitly. All that didn't make it any easier. We aren't attached to it in a possessive glorious toy kind of way, it is more a loss of a season in life. The closure of a journey that our family cherishes so deeply.
Every moment in that RV was absolutely a blessing. Not one day of disappointment, sadness or regret. In our focus to set out to serve others we learned to serve each other, grew tighter as a family unit and have been taken to a level in our relationship with God and Jesus that we crave each and every day. I know that none of that is ending, that it is just changing.
I find it fascinating that the sound of that particular motor invokes the sense of adventure. It has found its place on the list of memorable sounds, you know alot like a special song. Jeramie started it up while we were getting it ready for its newest journey and we were all ready to go with it. The kids and I didn't go with him to deliver it and I am glad, I probably would have cried.
From the outside it appears to be a very large recreational vehicle that really serves no purpose other than to bring someone extra comfort and enjoyment. From our perspective it appears as a tool of God's to be moved around building the kingdom of God. We have been praying for the right owners to come along. We have been praying that the new owners would be just as blessed by our RV as we have been. We have been praying that the transaction would be mutually beneficial to all involved. God has been faithful.
We had many empty bites, a few more serious interests and the one we knew was the deal. We waited patiently and quietly never getting anxious. We peacefully knew that when things were lined up right it would happen. We had been talking with these particular perspective buyers for about a month. We got a fair deal, they love the rig and are headed first for Florida. When Jeramie got home I did have a handful of tears (exactly five). "Its sad" he said, "yep. yep it is" I confirmed.
So today we say "so long little home on wheels, we know you aren't just a luxury toy, we know that you belong to God to be used by God, like everything else in this world. We are just grateful that God provided you for us to be used for the length of time that He did. Send us a postcard when you get there..."
Last night we said "So Long" to our beloved traveling home on wheels. It has officially found a new home.
We knew it had to go. This new job isn't going to allow for much time off to spend traveling the road at our leisure. We knew it couldn't just sit indefinitly. All that didn't make it any easier. We aren't attached to it in a possessive glorious toy kind of way, it is more a loss of a season in life. The closure of a journey that our family cherishes so deeply.
Every moment in that RV was absolutely a blessing. Not one day of disappointment, sadness or regret. In our focus to set out to serve others we learned to serve each other, grew tighter as a family unit and have been taken to a level in our relationship with God and Jesus that we crave each and every day. I know that none of that is ending, that it is just changing.
I find it fascinating that the sound of that particular motor invokes the sense of adventure. It has found its place on the list of memorable sounds, you know alot like a special song. Jeramie started it up while we were getting it ready for its newest journey and we were all ready to go with it. The kids and I didn't go with him to deliver it and I am glad, I probably would have cried.
From the outside it appears to be a very large recreational vehicle that really serves no purpose other than to bring someone extra comfort and enjoyment. From our perspective it appears as a tool of God's to be moved around building the kingdom of God. We have been praying for the right owners to come along. We have been praying that the new owners would be just as blessed by our RV as we have been. We have been praying that the transaction would be mutually beneficial to all involved. God has been faithful.
We had many empty bites, a few more serious interests and the one we knew was the deal. We waited patiently and quietly never getting anxious. We peacefully knew that when things were lined up right it would happen. We had been talking with these particular perspective buyers for about a month. We got a fair deal, they love the rig and are headed first for Florida. When Jeramie got home I did have a handful of tears (exactly five). "Its sad" he said, "yep. yep it is" I confirmed.
So today we say "so long little home on wheels, we know you aren't just a luxury toy, we know that you belong to God to be used by God, like everything else in this world. We are just grateful that God provided you for us to be used for the length of time that He did. Send us a postcard when you get there..."
Monday, October 3, 2011
It's not about me
NO words... That is my only excuse for this great lapse in posting. I have had no words.
I haven't written because as I said, I haven't felt like I have had words to write. It didn't seem like much of anything was happening while we were living in the sleepy little town but looking back I realized that I had been sharing little stories of little adventures with others and some were missing out. So, in essence, it's not about me or for me to decide what is worthy of sharing. We aren't rolling down the road right now, but the adventures are still happening.
Miles City was a very charming, small and quiet city. It didn't take me long to find a church family, start some new friendships and want to be a part of the community. I connected with some awesome people who are genuine and honest. However, despite the cities relaxed nature, it is still very isolated. Isolated from the rest of Montana and isolated from the rest of the world. There really isn't much to do on the eastern side of the state except fish and we aren't much on fishing. Well, Jeramie is, he likes to fly fish but my experience (yes, singular, a one time event) was boring and drowsy and I am confident that I am not missing out on much by not taking up the sport. The most frequent comment from many life time residents was "if I wasn't born and raised here, I wouldn't be here, all there is to do is drink...and fish". Since we don't do either we found ourselves with limited extracurricular options. But the people...I met some of the greatest, friendly people. And I got to live through the closest thing to a tornado that our family has ever seen, in a motor home in the middle of a field a.k.a. eastern Montana RV park.
In the summer the weather is amazing during the day. I seriously could not have lived out the summer in better weather...during the day. At night it rains and storms. It seemed like every night, at the same time, there would be a Tornado warning for eastern Montana, Custer County. That's us. The smaller trees in the area would bend sideways in the wind. They were only about 8 to 10 feet tall and have 3 to 4 inch diameter bases but when you see them almost parallel to the ground you have to wonder why we hadn't flown away like the other flying debris we would find in the morning. And, then, I almost did.
Jeramie had been called to work in the early evening, it was still beautiful, the awning was out, the kids were out, the sun was out. He had been home for the storm the night before and wondered before he left if he should put the awning up for the night. He didn't. It was so calm and sunny that it was hard to believe that the weather was as temperamental as it is. The next morning, bright and early, the wind started to move. And so did the RV. I couldn't figure out why we hadn't moved much in the last couple of storms but this time the dishes were rattling. I haven't ever experienced tornadoes. They don't happen where I come from. But I have done all of the necessary research. I watched the Wizard of Oz every year as a kid. What more is there to know.
I was trying to make myself some coffee and realized that I could not see our awning outside the kitchen window. Uh. OK. If I can't see it, where is it? I honestly contemplated ignorance and briefly decided that if it was gone when the wind stopped that I would go find it and was OK with the possible cost of the damages to the awning and the arms they connect to but all I could envision was a car driving along the street beside the RV park being wrapped in a giant blue and white tarp like thing, having it veer off through the high end car dealership wiping out all the cars all the while the Allstate mass mayhem character covered in his band aids is smiling at me. I put my coffee pot down and put on my shoes. I was going to make this quick so I didn't bother actually getting dressed.
I barely opened the door and it blew out of my hand and slammed against the wall. I leaped outside and slammed the door shut, looked up and located our awning. it was thankfully still attached but the wind was so massive that it was lifting it straight in the air like a true sail and slamming it back down. I quickly realized that this might take a while and that I was also under dressed for the event. I had never opened or closed the awning by myself so I actually had no idea what I was doing. I stood for a minute trying to dissect the mechanics of it and then took another minute to time the wind gusts. The arms never did come down low enough to grab so I had to find the ladder. I got that under control, climbed it and latched onto an arm...it was the beginning of the end. it shot into the air, and I went with it, up and down, up and down. The Whole time I am trying to time unlocking it when it was in a position of least resistance. I would get an 1/2 inch and then have to run to the other side and gain a 1/2 inch and back again the whole time trying to beat the wind because every time I got down the wind would take away my progress. Finally, one arm was unlocked and slammed to the base. But that second one was not going to budge. I fought that thing for 1/2 an hour and finally, threw my hands up and prayed, "Lord, I cannot do this, for the safety of others and the safety of our equipment unlock this for Me!" I climbed the ladder for one last futile attempt and with a gentle click, no effort involved against all the power of the wind, it released and slide to the base, rolled up (almost) on its own and that was that. It didn't look pretty and it wasn't exactly properly put away, in fact it looked terribly mangled but it was safe and not broken. I fought my way inside, threw myself on the floor and laid there. I was soaking with sweat, my jammies stuck to my sides, sore all over and amazed at what had just happened. I looked up from my supine position to see six eyes staring down at me. "Mom, where have you been?" "trying to put the awning away" "oh...whens breakfast?" "in a few minutes... I just...need to...lay here...for a minute". They had no concern for their tattered mother, just their hungry bellies. The morning was obviously not about me, but rather their needs. That night, in the dark of a clear and calm black sky, with the light of the RV park showcasing my adventure, Jeramie came home. "WHAT did you do to the awning, you couldn't have waited for me to put it away? I could see it all the way from the Haynes (a main street a few blocks away)" I smiled at him and gave a little giggle "No. IT couldn't wait for you to put it away. I was happy to, but it wasn't." He could be frustrated all he wanted, I joyfully didn't care because once again, it wasn't about me. That storm resulted in a rancher being struck off his horse by lightning while out moving cattle and he died. All I suffered was a good workout.
We aren't in Montana anymore but I will save the story of that for another post. Today, I just want to marinate in the power of God, share the power of God and giggle about my misguided belief that I can go toe to toe with the power of God. I firmly believe that God put up the awning for me and I will go to my grave (or to the rapture)knowing that. In that moment, I was so completely insignificant but so completely important. In that moment it was just me and God. In that moment it wasn't about me, it was about God. In that moment I was given a small taste of how much bigger God is than myself. In that moment, I was given the gift of a true life tangible experience of what it feels like to fight God. In that moment I was glaringly aware of my inadequacy. But most of all, in that moment, I was empowered to do all things through Christ who strengthens me including fighting a storm and putting it aside to still serve others. It was not an experience of death, or cancer or sickness but it was the experience God had for me and because of that I will cherish that tornado remnant always. I am pretty sure I can live without another storm like that, but, that one.. that one was special.
I haven't written because as I said, I haven't felt like I have had words to write. It didn't seem like much of anything was happening while we were living in the sleepy little town but looking back I realized that I had been sharing little stories of little adventures with others and some were missing out. So, in essence, it's not about me or for me to decide what is worthy of sharing. We aren't rolling down the road right now, but the adventures are still happening.
Miles City was a very charming, small and quiet city. It didn't take me long to find a church family, start some new friendships and want to be a part of the community. I connected with some awesome people who are genuine and honest. However, despite the cities relaxed nature, it is still very isolated. Isolated from the rest of Montana and isolated from the rest of the world. There really isn't much to do on the eastern side of the state except fish and we aren't much on fishing. Well, Jeramie is, he likes to fly fish but my experience (yes, singular, a one time event) was boring and drowsy and I am confident that I am not missing out on much by not taking up the sport. The most frequent comment from many life time residents was "if I wasn't born and raised here, I wouldn't be here, all there is to do is drink...and fish". Since we don't do either we found ourselves with limited extracurricular options. But the people...I met some of the greatest, friendly people. And I got to live through the closest thing to a tornado that our family has ever seen, in a motor home in the middle of a field a.k.a. eastern Montana RV park.
In the summer the weather is amazing during the day. I seriously could not have lived out the summer in better weather...during the day. At night it rains and storms. It seemed like every night, at the same time, there would be a Tornado warning for eastern Montana, Custer County. That's us. The smaller trees in the area would bend sideways in the wind. They were only about 8 to 10 feet tall and have 3 to 4 inch diameter bases but when you see them almost parallel to the ground you have to wonder why we hadn't flown away like the other flying debris we would find in the morning. And, then, I almost did.
Jeramie had been called to work in the early evening, it was still beautiful, the awning was out, the kids were out, the sun was out. He had been home for the storm the night before and wondered before he left if he should put the awning up for the night. He didn't. It was so calm and sunny that it was hard to believe that the weather was as temperamental as it is. The next morning, bright and early, the wind started to move. And so did the RV. I couldn't figure out why we hadn't moved much in the last couple of storms but this time the dishes were rattling. I haven't ever experienced tornadoes. They don't happen where I come from. But I have done all of the necessary research. I watched the Wizard of Oz every year as a kid. What more is there to know.
I was trying to make myself some coffee and realized that I could not see our awning outside the kitchen window. Uh. OK. If I can't see it, where is it? I honestly contemplated ignorance and briefly decided that if it was gone when the wind stopped that I would go find it and was OK with the possible cost of the damages to the awning and the arms they connect to but all I could envision was a car driving along the street beside the RV park being wrapped in a giant blue and white tarp like thing, having it veer off through the high end car dealership wiping out all the cars all the while the Allstate mass mayhem character covered in his band aids is smiling at me. I put my coffee pot down and put on my shoes. I was going to make this quick so I didn't bother actually getting dressed.
I barely opened the door and it blew out of my hand and slammed against the wall. I leaped outside and slammed the door shut, looked up and located our awning. it was thankfully still attached but the wind was so massive that it was lifting it straight in the air like a true sail and slamming it back down. I quickly realized that this might take a while and that I was also under dressed for the event. I had never opened or closed the awning by myself so I actually had no idea what I was doing. I stood for a minute trying to dissect the mechanics of it and then took another minute to time the wind gusts. The arms never did come down low enough to grab so I had to find the ladder. I got that under control, climbed it and latched onto an arm...it was the beginning of the end. it shot into the air, and I went with it, up and down, up and down. The Whole time I am trying to time unlocking it when it was in a position of least resistance. I would get an 1/2 inch and then have to run to the other side and gain a 1/2 inch and back again the whole time trying to beat the wind because every time I got down the wind would take away my progress. Finally, one arm was unlocked and slammed to the base. But that second one was not going to budge. I fought that thing for 1/2 an hour and finally, threw my hands up and prayed, "Lord, I cannot do this, for the safety of others and the safety of our equipment unlock this for Me!" I climbed the ladder for one last futile attempt and with a gentle click, no effort involved against all the power of the wind, it released and slide to the base, rolled up (almost) on its own and that was that. It didn't look pretty and it wasn't exactly properly put away, in fact it looked terribly mangled but it was safe and not broken. I fought my way inside, threw myself on the floor and laid there. I was soaking with sweat, my jammies stuck to my sides, sore all over and amazed at what had just happened. I looked up from my supine position to see six eyes staring down at me. "Mom, where have you been?" "trying to put the awning away" "oh...whens breakfast?" "in a few minutes... I just...need to...lay here...for a minute". They had no concern for their tattered mother, just their hungry bellies. The morning was obviously not about me, but rather their needs. That night, in the dark of a clear and calm black sky, with the light of the RV park showcasing my adventure, Jeramie came home. "WHAT did you do to the awning, you couldn't have waited for me to put it away? I could see it all the way from the Haynes (a main street a few blocks away)" I smiled at him and gave a little giggle "No. IT couldn't wait for you to put it away. I was happy to, but it wasn't." He could be frustrated all he wanted, I joyfully didn't care because once again, it wasn't about me. That storm resulted in a rancher being struck off his horse by lightning while out moving cattle and he died. All I suffered was a good workout.
We aren't in Montana anymore but I will save the story of that for another post. Today, I just want to marinate in the power of God, share the power of God and giggle about my misguided belief that I can go toe to toe with the power of God. I firmly believe that God put up the awning for me and I will go to my grave (or to the rapture)knowing that. In that moment, I was so completely insignificant but so completely important. In that moment it was just me and God. In that moment it wasn't about me, it was about God. In that moment I was given a small taste of how much bigger God is than myself. In that moment, I was given the gift of a true life tangible experience of what it feels like to fight God. In that moment I was glaringly aware of my inadequacy. But most of all, in that moment, I was empowered to do all things through Christ who strengthens me including fighting a storm and putting it aside to still serve others. It was not an experience of death, or cancer or sickness but it was the experience God had for me and because of that I will cherish that tornado remnant always. I am pretty sure I can live without another storm like that, but, that one.. that one was special.
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